My Passion Experiment

Passion

I read this in my morning web-rounds today and haven’t been able to get it off my mind.  “Do it with passion….”.  It doesn’t say what “it” is.  “It” in my life right now is….everything.  I feel like I’ve lost my passion for everything; cooking, dog-care, sex, exercise, health research, self-care, reading, cleaning.  Everything that I value…..sucked into a vortex of passionless apathy.

What does a person do about that?  How do you turn the tide?  How do you spin your world all the way in another direction?  Having my goals lists is great….but if you simply don’t do them, they languish and weeks go by (right, February, I’m aware).

I hate this weather, I absolutely hate it. I’m tired of being cold all the time, I’m tired of the dark and the rain and the snow, I hate that I work until 4:30 in the afternoon, I’m so fucking bored I want to put my head through the wall, I’m sad that I have no vacation to speak of this year.  Ya.  That.  All of it and then some.

I need to breathe life into myself and shake myself out of my monotony.  I need to throw myself at my husband when he comes through the door and kiss and hug him until I am all hugged out.  I need to paint my nails and wax my legs and drink water.  I need to have sex and lay naked in a heap of soft blankets and pillows. I need to earn couch time with the sacrifice of other time.  I need to make invigorating shampoo for my scalp and salt scrub for my skin and lather and scrub them both until they’re tingly.  I need to lay on the floor and let my dog snuffle me in the head and stand on my back while I laugh.  I need to go to the gym and celebrate my body with sweat and effort. I need to force myself to be aware of the moment.

So when you’re mired in gray and fog and dreary cold rain, how do you start the things that light you up? Seriously, I’m asking.  How do you start the things that will light your fire again? The things you too easily talk yourself out of.  

I feel like, once again, I’m on a precipice.  Fix it now or this is your forever.  So I’m going to “Do it with passion or don’t do it at all”.  “It” being everything.  I’m going to forcefully inject passion back into my life in every way and cross my fingers that I don’t run out of energy before the flame catches again.

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12 thoughts on “My Passion Experiment

  1. I feel that way ALL THE TIME!!!! *soul sisters maybe? For me, breaking out of the funk is really hard. That’s why I’ve started doing small goals. Things that I am making myself do. I try to not reward myself for doing them or get down on myself if I don’t but rather be give thanks. I try to give thanks to God/ Mother Earth/ the Universe/The Big Bang/ My Family/ My Friends, that I was able to chose to do it. That I have been so lucky in life, that doing this was my choice. When I take ownership and focus on the “I’m so fortunate that I could go for this walk today” I stick with it longer and feel better after. Just some thoughts, not a recipe.

    • Morning! I love this comment, thank you so much! I like the idea of remembering to be thankful for the moment, even if it doesn’t “look” quite like you want it to! I also love your comment about taking ownership and focussing on the positive.

      Thanks for taking the time to reach out!

  2. I don’t think that this is your forever… or even close to it. I think that you’re smart enough and aware enough to know that you need to make a change. Please don’t put additional stress on yourself that if you don’t fix your situation in the next 10.4 seconds, that you’ll be stuck living like this forever. We all have ups and downs and ins and outs. I have no good advice for you to recharge your passion except to say that it’s counter to everything you want to beat yourself up… be careful that if you don’t see immediate and massive change right away that you don’t declare it a failure and then punish yourself..

    On Tue, Mar 4, 2014 at 7:03 AM, Fitty vs Fatty

    • Morning! I agree, nothing is forever….I just meant that I feel like I’m at one of those all-important crossroads, like I need to choose a direction and start up that road. In 5 years, since our 30th birthday, I’ve gained 20 pounds and forgotten the value and need of exercising every day. I’ve put aside my little quirks and desires and needs in order to fill a bigger picture of health and happiness…and in the process got so consumed with what had to be done to create that health and happiness that I have missed the point of the whole exercise. I’m doing things to make myself happier and healthier and yet I’ve lost the foundation of real health and happiness. I won’t get that solid foundation of inner happiness back in a week, I know that. But every day that I focus on being in the moment and cultivating goodness is a step closer. It’s not about losing the 20 pounds (although, yes, that has to go) or how I choose to cook/eat. It’s about making sure that I’m doing things with an inner spirit of passion.

  3. I agree with Darcy. No need to put added pressure on yourself. Can you find one little thing that makes you happy and while you’re happy for that moment and distracted from everything else, look over your lot again and maybe you’ll see things differently.

    • Morning, friend! I love that idea of looking over things again in a different frame of mind. There are always several different ways of looking at things.

      I do need to put pressure on myself though…not bad pressure or the kind that, if you don’t hit all the markers, you fail, but the kind of pressure to fix what’s not quite right. The kind of pressure that creates change.

  4. It’s your job. And it has been for a while. Your last job dragged you down and beat you up and this one is killing you with boredom – neither have you felt passionate about. You don’t love what you do. And going somewhere everyday for 9 hours and not feeling excited or good about it is enough to suck the passion out of anyone. I know it sucks to hear this because it’s not exactly an easy fix. But I am planting the seed in your head now because I really believe this is something you need to think about and mull over for a while.

    In the meantime, have you heard of Danielle Laporte? She is an amazing, inspiring, kick ass woman full of passion and inspiration. I am reading her book “The Firestarter Sessions” which is all about finding your passion and lighting your fire. She also has a website: http://www.daniellelaporte.com She’s also on Twitter and Facebook so you can get as little or as much of her as you like. I find her incredibly inspiring and empowering and I hope maybe you will too.

    Much love.

    xo

  5. 1.) I usually try to figure out what’s sucking the life out of me and cut it off completely. This has meant many big life changes (that are always exciting).
    2.) I try not to be scared of life changes and let them happen – I have moved to new places, switched jobs and even switched CAREERS a few times.
    3.) I got off of hormonal birth control that made me crazy (!!! very important !!!)
    4.) I got on the medications I needed to manage my ADD and Anxiety — I used to be embarrassed about this, but I have never been more stable and happy with my every day life… so it is what it is.

    Good luck 🙂 Keep pushing and you’ll find your way out of your rut.

    • Morning Lana!

      Thanks for taking the time to send this comment and for sharing honestly!!

      I love your comment “and cut it off completely”. I think you are kickass and someone who has an attitude and a way of living that I really enjoy getting to know because there are definitely parts of it that I aspire to.

  6. Pingback: My Passion Experiment – Day 7 | Fitty vs Fatty

  7. Pingback: My Passion Experiment – Week Two Summary | Fitty vs Fatty

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