I am so crabby right now I feel like I could burst into flames at any moment. I went to the gym this morning and spent the entire workout listening to my mean-side tell me really awful things about myself including failure, ugly, useless etc. Which was weird because in between the rude bits, the postive-side of me was telling me how my legs are starting to show signs of muscle and cheering me on during pushups and step ups.
The Alien Baby is due in sometime this week though so I’m trying to remember that and not be too hard on myself….especially when I did the absolute best I could do this weekend as far as staying the course with healthy whole food, no booze, no sugar, lots of water and green tea…..and I still managed to be up on the scale this morning. It’snotyourfaultit’snotyourfaultit’snotyourfault……that’s my stay-sane mantra this morning.
In order to try and let go of all the things that are pissing me off, I’ve made a list. Maybe once I get them out, my stabby mood will subside?
A) the ENORMOUS amount of work that I have to do this morning that didn’t get done while I was away for my day off on Friday and the attitude that because I took a day off I somehow deserve to be punished by my boss for it.
2) my co-worker who sits beside me, waits aaaallll morning long, over 2 hours actually, in our coffin-quiet office, to talk to me until right at the moment that I am raising my fork to my mouth to eat my snack salad at coffee time. In my paranoid enraged mood, I believe that she is doing this to fuck with me. She probably isn’t. When I’ve asked her to wait until I’m done, she says that during my coffee break seems like a good time to ask me questions (she’s new) because I don’t seem busy. YOU THINK?
3) same co-worker who answers the phone whisper quiet, says “hello?” 58 times in a row without ever raising her voice and then hangs up only to repeat again 2 minutes later when the customer calls back!
d) the woman this weekend who kept us waiting 4 hours for her to come over and view our tent trailer that’s for sale and then when I finally called her to find out wth, tell me that she’d be another hour but that that she deserves “special consideration” because she has “two littles”. The term “two littles” makes me want to punch her extra. NO! You don’t deserve to ruin my entire day because you chose to procreate! Really? 4 extra HOURS above and beyond what you’d already planned to get from Richmond to Coquitlam? Ya….so the price just doubled!
E) my allergies that make me look like I’ve spent the entire night drinking hard liquor in a smoky bar.
f) my cardiologist appointment that got cancelled this morning. It was supposed to be tomorrow. Apparantly a heart surgeon’s to-do list is more important than mine?? OK…well maybe.
And finally, obviously, the evil bitch that the scale was this morning, making me temporarily feel like throwing in the towel, cancelling my gym membership and eating nothing but chocolate trifle every day for the rest of my life.
Tonight we’re having a seafood medley (clam, scallop, squid, salmon)…Ray’s with alfredo over noodles and mine with just some butter & garlic over zucchini. Maybe a nice walk again tonight if the weather holds.