Say Yes To The What?!

Things that would have been more productive than laying on the couch for four days watching double-digit hours of “Say Yes To The Dress”:

• Anything
• Updating my blogroll (I read some awesome blogs and I am a terrible blogroll linker!)
• Studying for my impending PTS exam
• Organizing my recipe book

It is a frigging miracle that I’m sitting in front of my computer right now.  The only reason that I am at work today is because I don’t think I could take another day of Grace standing an inch away from my face crying at the top of her lungs.  I’ve been home sick, laid out on the sofa since Thursday.  Ray was working 10-6 last week so I was home with her by myself both days.  And she figures if I’m home I should be petting, feeding, rubbing, walking and playing with her at all times!  This “theme” carried over into the weekend, apparently dogs don’t understand what being sick is all about and boys don’t understand that their normally very active and industrious girlfriend can’t do all that stuff while also fighting off the stomach flu and massive head cold.  So….I’m at work today, not because I feel better but because I want to be left alone!  Hahaha.

(Update:  I went home shortly after writing this, took some expired cold medication…shows how often I get sick…and went to sleep locked in our spare room for 4 hours.  Our spare room door is always closed so is blissfully free of dog hair and dust…it’s like a mecca!)

I was at the gym getting a good workout on Thursday morning despite not really feeling 100% when the stomach flu struck.  That’s definitely a first for me! Obviously I missed my gym day on Friday morning and mile-row-mile on Saturday morning and I have to say, I was pretty bummed about that.  We have only a four day work week this week thanks to Easter so I’m going to try to pull it together and end March strong with at least a couple gym mornings.  I realize that I probably won’t be able to do mile-row-mile again this month which is highly disappointing….but I should be able to get my lifting workouts done….we’ll see how I feel at 4am tomorrow….could very well be one of those weeks where sleep is healthier and better for me than the gym.  We’ll see.  I am definitely going to throw a tube of hand sanitizer into my gym bag though, I guarantee that’s where I’ve picked up these germs!

Besides having the stomach flu and now an awful cold, there’s not much new to report.  I did notice, because of the last four days of being off my game, how much food I had to throw out yesterday!  Beyond yogurt (I never eat yogurt!), bananas and some paleo muffins, I didn’t eat much (also, talk about needing carbs while sick and how difficult that is when grain free).  Since I plan all of our food out the week before and precook a lot of it, that same food had to get tossed yesterday.  Also, quite unfortunately, when eating loads of bananas and muffins, what is not getting eaten is vegetables…and I can totally tell!  So not only do I have my insides all messed up from being sick, they are definitely noticing the lack of fresh green vegetables!  I’m all over it though, salad with hard boiled eggs for breakfast this morning!

Dinner is lemon sage flank steak but made with basil instead because I couldn’t find sage, maybe some ice cream and I have a killer craving for pink lemonade!

Note, I have updated my blogroll along the side to include the amazing blogs I read daily. 

Advertisement

Highs & Lows

Totally not loving life at the moment, I’m feeling horribly pukey, completely exhausted and this day is draaaaaagging along.  The upset stomach, I think, is a combo of, all approved but bad pairings of food this morning. I had almond cereal (almond meal, shredded coconut, flax seed, walnuts and almond milk mixed together and heated up a bit) coffee with coconut milk as usual and then a half a bottle of Kombucha which is not as usual.  I think I ended up with just too much stomach acid….that’s what it feels like, anyway.

I was going to recap the weekend….well….actually I did and it was the most boring post I’ve ever written so it got deleted.  The high & low points:

• LOW point:  Came home on Friday night after having been out of the house for almost 14 hours….to find my dog had eaten a loaf of bread off the counter and peed on the carpet
• LOW point:  Husband is still sick and the coughing is driving me batty!  I feel terrible for him, he’s so miserable, but JEEEEzus, the coughing!!!!!!
• HIGH point: Went jean shopping and scored two pairs of stylish (that is a fact worth mentioning!) fitted jeans.  Whiskers and stitching, oh my!
• HIGH point: Got some good cuddles in over the weekend, sick hubby from above has been feeling very snuggly.  Goes to bed clutching on to me like a child onto a teddy bear.  Which is so sweet and wonderful feeling…..until he coughs into my ear for about an hour. 😉
• LOW point:  Had dinner at The Ex Wife’s House for Kyle’s bday.  Always wildly uncomfortable and requires a huge amount of energy from me to flip the anxiety switch off and turn the sunshine switch on.  Made doubly worse this time by Ex Wife’s new boyfriend….who was staring unabashedly at me every time I looked over.  Not sure what his deal was but it was rather off-putting. 
• LOW point:  Grace is writing a book called How Not To Make Friends 101…and demonstrated some of her tips at Ex Wife’s House.  Growl & aggress against resident dogs, pee on back deck and throw up on front room carpet.  Grrrreat.
• LOW point:  Have been up all night long with my sick man, not sure exactly what the problem is aside from the ongoing and never ending cough.  No sleep, hours of coughing and wheezing…and all I can do is fluff his pillow and rub his back.  Doesn’t do anything at all for the actual issue, not even really sure if it soothes him.  But, I can’t sleep if he is in distress so laid awake with him all night.  He’s not at work today (obv) and going to go back to the doctor.  I am at work today and wish I could crawl under my desk for a wee nap.
• HIGH point:  The weekend was not a failure for diet or exercise….even though Ex Wife served lasagna and scalloped potatoes for dinner last night.  Believe it or not I was actually able to make that work without eating a single noodle or tater and not looking like a complete lunatic.

On the menu this week for dinners is fajitas in fresh lettuce wraps w/ homemade fajita seasoning and homemade guacamole, rib eye steak topped with balsamic mushrooms & onions, served with mashed turnips and greenery, walnut chicken served with mashed cauli and greenery & a huge wild coho filet that will be served with yamiflower and whatever other veggies are left over at the end of the week!  (Read that dinner menu and tell me you would miss the grain?!  NOT!)

UPDATE:  as I was going to publish this we got confirmation that Ray really is quite ill and not just trying to drive me crazy!  Now that he actually has a diagnosis though, he’ll get some medication and we can all move forward over the next couple of days.  For me, I’m looking forward to going home and walking my dog in the not-raining-right-now and then putting my jammie pants on and having a cup of tea while dinner cooks.

 

Ode to a Cold?

(I’m not actually going to compose an ode to my cold, it was just a catchy title!  Sorry for any disappointment that you may not hear an untalented woman with a cold sing a song!)

Toast, pudding, orange juice, tea with honey, soup, hot toddy.  What do all these things have in common?  I wanted them all yesterday at some stage or another while laying on the sofa being miserable.  What else do they have in common?  I didn’t eat any of them.  My whiney-sick-person eats included a Babybel cheese (of which my dog ate the wax and plastic wrapper at some stage when I wasn’t paying attention), a part of a smoked salmon omelette, a Larabar and a pot of ginger coconut tea.  Being sick blows.  Being sick and having a restrictive diet blows very hard!  I realize now that I was in no way actually prepared to be sick.  Ray was asleep all day (he’s on graveyards) so even if I’d been able to dream up something comforting to eat (that I didn’t have to cook), I had no one to send out to get it for me anyway.

Strangely, I saw a recipe for chicken soup on Friday night and thought to myself that I should really get some made and in the freezer in case I ever ended up under the weather.  Then on Sunday I had this overwhelming feeling that I should get on that sooner rather than later.  And, wouldn’t you know it, I came down with something that night.  It’s so surreal to me that when your body is clear and healthy that you can totally hear the signals it’s sending.  I obviously heard the “you’re getting sick” signal on the weekend, just didn’t really know what it meant.

Anyway, I’m at work today.  Unfortunately.  It’s unfortunate, you see, because sick people need sleep and work is a difficult place to achieve that.  I’m also a little bummed that the gym was a no go on Saturday and yesterday and probably tomorrow (so pretty much the whole week) because I have been enjoying it.  However, stressing your body (yep, exercise is stress.  Good stress, but stress nonetheless) when you’re already knocked down is a recipe for adrenal fatigue and no one wants that. 

Since I don’t have much choice but to sit this day out until I can get home, I’m doing it with hot tea, fizzy Vitamin C shots and water.  I have no idea what we’re going to do for dinner tonight, however much like yesterday, I suppose I’ll be cooking it.   My whole being wants to just lay on the couch (floor, landing, entrance, driveway, wherever) when I get home, but if I do that then we’re not going to be eating.  In addition to sick people needing sleep, we also need food.  And since I’m our resident chef, that’s up to me.  Ray is also, inconveniently, on graveyards and that shift never showcases his contributory traits.

Honestly, I can totally see where it would be kind of nice to be sick occasionally, lay around, miss a couple days of work, watch daytime television, drink pots of tea and nap as needed…..if you’re a man or a child and have a wife or mother to look after you.  If you’re the woman who maintains the running of the house, who puts very high value on nutrition quality and content and who is the general care-taker, being sick is a huge pain in the ass, resentment building, exhausting, depressing undertaking.

Shanny-Spark

No ice cream last night.  It was tough though, let me tell you!  Working my way through dinner & lunches and chores and dog-walking and thinking about my “treat” at the end of the evening and then remembering that I won’t be having a treat, that sucked!  However, I stayed solid.  And my reward?  I slept like a log!  Didn’t stir from bedtime until my alarm went off, no dreams, no itching, no nightmares!  It’s possible that it was a coincidence.  I choose to believe the two are related and so I will power on with my sugar embargo.

Sadly, even though I got a great sleep last night, today is shit.  I have a splitting headache/migraine, the shakes, my heart is doing its dance and I want to go to bed.  I’ve been medicating with very strong rooibos tea filled with half hot water and half almond milk.  It’s what my body wants right now.  Water makes me feel like gagging, tea is where it’s at.  There will be no dinner making tonight, lunches will be a repeat of today since that’s already made and it’s possible that Grace will be getting a shortened walk and then a play in the yard. 

Now, an update to the grocery store “assault” thing.  I didn’t report the guy.  I didn’t even look into reporting him to find out if I could do it anonymously or if I could request my info be kept private.  Why not?  While I do believe that people shouldn’t be able to get away with violence or poor social behavior, it is so seriously not worth the hassle, my time or my energy to do anything about this.  Some idiot made some really poor choices that day but I’m not hurt and my property isn’t damaged.  Is what he did right?  Hell no.  But if I chalk it up as a dumb thing that happened then I don’t have to put any more time to it.  If I go report it then I am allowing more of my already precious time and energy to get used up on an asshole stranger.  My personal Shanny-spark could use more good times, laughs, smiles, respect and care; not less.  By dragging this further I feel like I would be dousing my spark a little.  I already have ongoing family issues, an ailing grandparent that is getting worse not better, a car accident that is still not resolved, a second car accident that is still not resolved, some pending out of town guests that will be enjoyable but also stressful, some struggles with leadership at work.  I seriously do not need to add anything else to the spark-dousing list.  And so?  That guy goes unpunished.  Hopefully he feels badly for his behavior.  Maybe he doesn’t.  I leave the whole thing with “what goes around comes around” and walk away.

It’s a short post today, maybe more tomorrow.  Then again, perhaps not if I go home, walk my dog and then go to bed.  Not much of a story to tell with that!

Random!

Consider yourself forewarned, there is no theme or rhyme or reason to this post. 

Last night we were invited to dinner at Ray’s daughter’s house to celebrate her husband’s birthday….first birthday since they’ve been married….everything’s such a big deal when it’s the firsts!  Anyway, given that sometimes relations can be a bit rocky with the adult children and the fact that my equilibrium is alway very turbulent any time we’re at an event where his ex wife will also be present, and the fact that I eat grain free and that is hard enough to explain let alone amongst all the other issues……..I had a roaring stomach ache yesterday afternoon.  It wasn’t bloat as it has been in the past and there was no offending food that could have caused it.  I figured it was either stress or the flu.  I was really wishing it was the flu yesterday afternoon and went to the trouble to read up on inducing vomitting so that I could stay home and avoid the whole thing.  But….that’s not very adult-like, is it?

We went, the evening was lovely (as it always, ALWAYS is when I’ve gotten myself worked up into a lather beforehand!) and Andrea cooked a beautiful dinner, a huge, fresh salmon, green salad w/ toasted walnuts, strawberries and avocado and then bread and potatoes.  Andrea and her mom (the ex, obv) and I had a really amusing, slightly wine-induced conversation about weight management, fitness, supplements etc, cake was served (I passed) and then it was time to go. 

When we got home, however, the stomach ache from hell ramped up and it felt like I had heartburn….in my back.  My kidneys were on fire, my mid chest was aching something fierce, it was all I could do to stay standing.  I ended up sleeping all night with a hot water bottle against my back and my front pressed up against the man-heater that I sleep with.  This morning I felt fine though so either it was stress remnants from earlier or I fought something off.

I have not exercised in 2 weeks…..oh…no wait….that’s a lie.  I went jogging last Tuesday and Wednesday.  Whatever….considerable time has passed since I worked up a good sweat.  And I don’t care.  I don’t even feel bad about it.  I should.  I should be concerned that I have a 10k paid for that is coming in less than a month that I am not trained for.  But I don’t.  It’ll all work out.  And Monday I start the weight training….which I’m looking forward to and also kind of freaked about.

I am at my lowest weight in over three years as of this morning….which doesn’t really count because only Tuesday weigh ins count….but I was excited.  2.2 more pounds and I’ll be in the lower bracket where my goal is.  I’ll get there!

Tonight I should really go for a run…or at least a walk.  Fresh air.  It’s awfully black looking out there over where I live.  We’ll see.  What I do know is that Ray owes me an ice cream run for last night.  We have an agreement that he shows me respect and appreciation when I play nice with his ex wife, even when I don’t want to.  Since last night wasn’t a big deal, an ice cream date will be more than sufficient.  I also got a kiss before we left the house last night with a “Thank you for coming, I appreciate it.”.  Which…might not seem like a big deal, but he wasn’t coerced into the comment and he didn’t look like he was going to start bleeding from the eyes when it was over, it was just….nice.

So, walk.  Halibut & mashed cauli for dinner.  Ice cream later. 

*****************and an edit****************

Ray is in the shower, he has been sobbing since I got home.  He’s going to put his dog down in the next week and it’s killing him.  It is breaking my heart watching his heart break.  Life sucks.  We’re still going for ice cream.