2014 – Self-ish

Going back YEARS into my blogging career, I often seem to post multiple times on New Year’s Eve.  Here’s another!

One of the things that I think I would like to recommit to in 2014 (this is NOT a resolution) is self care.  My “eating at the dining room table” thing is related right in there with self care.  I spend so much of my not-at-work time planning, shopping for and cooking our meals and it was starting to annoy me that we were consuming food prepared with love, in front of the TV or other “device”.  When meals would be over in minutes and I could barely remember what we ate the day before, I figured that was not in any way respecting the love and effort that I put into feeding us.

This morning, while at the gym, I noticed that my nail polish is a bit chipped and it irked me.  Somewhere along the way I stopped doing things for the sole purpose of taking care of me.  Somewhere in 2013 I stopped full body exfoliation (baking soda for the win!), I stopped painting my nails, I stopped reading books, I stopped deep conditioning my hair. Somewhere along the way I forgot to take care of myself.  Somewhere along the way I subbed in things that were meant to give me that “feel-good feeling” but which were simply saboteurs in disguise; a glass of red wine, PVR’d shows, cookie and coffee.  Not that there is anything wrong with these things, a glass of red wine is a very enjoyable thing on my register.  And I will still work on enjoying a cookie with an evening coffee on an occasion.  But they are not adequate substitutes for the things that I really value, for the things that I need in order to feel beautiful and healthy and lively.

So, this morning when I noticed my chipped nail polish and then later when I was craving a tanning session, I thought I would add a couple more January goals to my list.  In thinking about it, it really does tie in with losing my 15 stress pounds and regularly going to the gym. They are all self-care things that only I benefit from and if I really put my brain to it, how can I expect myself to go to the gym on the regular if I don’t even remove chipped nail polish?

I have been reading some blogs at work (soooo not busy) and apparently people choose a theme word that they will use to define their year.  Never heard of such a thing but I think it’s a cool idea. A word to define your actions for the year.  As soon as I thought about it for myself, I knew what my 2014 word would be.

2013 was about how the hell we were going to survive.  In 2014 my focus is going to be on me again.  The things I need, the things that make me better, happier, calmer, more loving, better balanced.  The things that speak to who I am and what I value.  It’s not about being selfish or not considering other people and their needs….it’s about being self-ish and also considering my own.

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Hurt Me, Good!

Have you seen the picture of my new body art?  It’s in the post before this one.  Do you love it? I am in LOVE with it.  I can’t stop staring at it….which is difficult since it means that my shirt is over my head a lot.

It went both better than I thought and worse.  You see, I get waxed and that hurts.  Getting your most sensitive girl-bits waxed hurts like a son-of-a.  Sometimes when I’m driving home and I know it’s a wax day, I get a little nervous about it because some times of the month hurt a lot more than others.  But I also know, having done it every 6 weeks for a very long time, which parts hurt more, how much they hurt/what kind of pain and how long it’s going to take.

Going to get my tattoo, all I had in the ‘what’s this going to feel like’ section of my brain was a blank spot.  No clue.

Leaving work yesterday I was surprised that I had very little anxiety about it and even pulling into Andrew’s driveway I wasn’t that worried about it.  He asked me if I wanted to back out a couple of times before he started because where I chose to put it is a very painful spot to be tattooed.  I told him I’m a tough girl and that it would be fine (he admitted later that he didn’t believe me at all!).  And then a mutual friend of ours stopped by also and was unconvinced that I was going to be fine once we got going.

Up onto the table, he had a nice fluffy pillow for my head and a cozy blanket for my legs.  As he started up the device (what’s that thing called, anyway?) I started to get very nervous.  VERY. NERVOUS.  He started at the bottom and the first 5 minutes were a breeze.  It was a bit weirdly scratchy feeling but that was about it.  And then he rolled me forward a bit and started on the long sweeping curls that are the bottom of the design.  Holy F!  Those long sweeping lines are a bitch!

The bottom of the flourish and the bottom line of text were the most difficult because of how the hip sits high and then you get the valley of the tummy and then the ribs rise up again.  That bottom swirl and bottom line took over an hour to do since he had to go so slowly because there is very little there to brace his action-hand against.  Once the bottom line was done I got to take a look, have a drink and get back to it.  The next hour I was in and out of a weird bit of a trance.  I tried to breath out on the tattoo stroke and melt myself into the table.  That seemed to help for about an hour. It’s weird because I know that I was in discomfort/pain the entire time but it was completely bearable and I would totally do again. I think Tara is the one who told me that you get sort of trance-y during the tattoo process.

The top line of text and the top flourishes were the. most. painful. part.  It felt like he was slicing my skin with a razor blade.  Besides the fact that it was on only ribs, the endorphins had worn off, I was getting tired and let’s be honest, it fucking hurts.

The end result though?  Worth it to the millionth degree.  I love it.  LOVE!  He tells me that he’ll need to to a couple of touchups once it’s healed and there’s a little tiny spot that I would like fixed but overall it’s amazing.  Stupidly perhaps, I am already planning the one that I want now on the other side of my body.  hahaha

In the three hours that it took (including the break and the cleaning/dressing) I only squeaked twice.  He kept commenting that I was handling it so much better than he ever would have thought.  First tattoo….big tattoo….and in a very ouchie spot.  I TOLD you I was tough!  LOL!  In fact instead of doing the entire outline first, he did each line outlined and then filled it in so that when he got to the top it was totally done.  He said normally he would do the whole outline so that if it was too much, I could leave and come back for the fill later.  I’m glad he did it the way he did.  Plus, the fill feels a lot different than the outline so it’s a bit of a break as far as stimuli goes when he switches between the two.

Anyway, I’m super thrilled with it, I’ll be even more thrilled when it doesn’t hurt and I can wear a bra again…..he went much bigger than I planned, goes above my bra band and below my panty line.  Getting dressed was challanging today.

In other news………….well…………..there is no other news.

Tomorrow I’m going to do a ritual burning of everything bad that happened this year (go to Tara’s blog, I poached the idea from her).

I’ve also loosened up the reins considerably for these last couple days of the year.  Since I worked hard before Christmas and during that holiday, I’m taking it easier these few days.  Besides that I can’t exercise for a few days because of the new body art, I’m also not worrying really about what I’m eating (lethal combo, right?).  I’m not going off the rails and I’m still drinking lots of water but I’m enjoying myself too.

Tonight we’re going out for dinner to the pub of our first date in order to celebrate our 4 year anniversary (when you’re not married and you just sort of drifted into living together, I don’t know what other anniversary to pick besides the anniversary of your first date).  Tomorrow night is NY Eve, of course, and we’ll be having a gorgeous dinner at our favourite restaurant and then going to friends for drinks/appies.  And we’ve been planning chinese food for NY Day for two months now.

I have some other things to write about in the next couple of days……….my opinion/review of the book Unbearable Lightness by Portia De Rossi being one of them.  Some other random things also.  But it’ll all have to wait because I’m going to top up my hug-ometer (you know that to be healthy you are supposed to get 8/day?) and then change into a different version of t-shirt and yoga pants and go for dinner.