Thursday, June 26, 2014: Today Girl

Lose 25 pounds, run 10km, squat body weight, save money, take tropical vacation, change life, become new person.  All thoughts that I have regularly and which become hugely overwhelming and defeating.  Thoughts that also project me so far into the future that I miss out on the day that I am living right now.  Even from week to week; I plan for the next week and the next month and project ahead to see what things will look like and I lose what they look like right now.  Through various forms of self-reflection, I have come to the conclusion that I can’t continue on being Unrealistic Expectation Girl. I need to be Today Girl. I spend so much time picturing my life as a different person; me…..but better.  Me…..but fitter.  Me…..but happier.  Me…….all the good qualities and none of the bad.  Me……perfect.  And the thought of trying to get to “perfect me” is exhausting and basically impossible.

So…..what if I change my thought process and focus on simply being the Me that I am right now.  Today Girl.  Today Girl looks at herself the way that she is right now….and banishes the “if this would change and that would get smaller and those would get bigger then I would be happier” thoughts.  Today Girl makes a budget and then makes spending decisions per the budget…and banishes the “6, 8, 12 months from now I’ll have saved $$$ and then I’ll be happier” thoughts.  Today Girl does a reasonable workout for the body and fitness she has today…..and banishes the “this is useless, I’ll never get there” and “6 months from now I’ll be a fierce, totally fit force to be reckoned with and then I’ll be happier” thoughts.

Today Girl recognizes where she is mentally and physically and works with exactly what she has right now and does not worry one iota about what she may have mentally or physically by tomorrow or next month.  Today Girl recognizes that this will be a new way of thinking and that it may feel strange and uncomfortable and even a bit backwards but Unrealistic Expectation Girl’s way of thinking wasn’t working so I’ll try this.

Something I have been sorely missing in the last 8 months is time to myself.  Just to think.  To check in, to recalibrate, to blank my thoughts and rest my brain.  I’ve lamented this lack of alone time for a while now, knowing that it’s part of my dissatisfaction with my life as it is right now.  But oddly, I’ve been unwilling to do anything to really take back that time for myself. Maybe it’s because I’ve felt like “our” needs are greater than my needs and I’ve been loath to do anything that makes any other party uncomfortable or put upon.   Given that it has recently become crystal clear to me just how valuable “time” can be and how greatly it can help my mood, outlook and disposition, I’ve made just “one small change” that my sister advised me to make.

Wednesday and Friday night are Chef’s Night Off.  Basically The Chef is out of the building and both parties can make, buy, eat or not eat whatever they want for dinner and the next day’s lunch.  PB&J?  Go for it. Order pizza?  Here’s the phone.  A plate of watermelon?  Sure thing.  Protein shake and almonds?  Great. Nothing at all?  Consider yourself on a fast then.  I complain (yes, it IS complaining) all the time about how I have no time and cooking is a huge time suck and I just need some downtime….and yet nothing changes.  No miracle helper is sent to me, I still plan, shop for and make every meal that we eat, months go by and I’m in the same position I was in before but getting progressively more burnt out and, yes, resentful.  So I have made the change that I need in order to care for myself.  And yes, there will be an impact and yes, there will be an adjustment and there might even be some resentment from one or both of us………….but it’s non-negotiable.  I need time and I’m taking it back.  I’m taking it from “us” and giving it to “me”.

This may seem like a small and strange little step to take…but it’s the first step in reclaiming myself and figuring out who I am now that the dust has settled.  It’s the first in a series of small changes that will see me become more responsible for myself and less responsible for everything that is “us”.

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Dear Body

I thought it might be time for a new “Dear Body” letter.  I try to write one from time to time.  Here’s one I wrote on March 1, 2008 (6 years, 1 month ago!).  Unfortunately I can’t find any of the ones that I have written since then.

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Dear Body,

I don’t hate you. But I completely understand if you aren’t the biggest fan of me. I wax you and tan you and pluck you and poke at you. I cut you accidentally from time to time and I sometimes eat things that hurt you. I’ve injured you and crashed you to the ground quasi regularly. I don’t always listen to what you’re asking for and sometimes I’ll hear what you’re saying loud and clear and I completely ignore you. That must feel really disrespectful. I understand disrespect, I’ve had it in my life from people who are supposed to care about me too and it always seems to sting more when it’s from a loved one. I shouldn’t do it to you, I shouldn’t.

I hope you know that I have been trying lately to love you better. You’ve borne the brunt of some difficult times and you’ve always kept going; you get up every morning without fail and embark on another day with me…whether you really want to or not and I appreciate that. Sometimes when I feel as though I can’t get up, you forge ahead and drag me along with you. I booked you a massage on Saturday, I think you’ll really like that. It’s 90 minutes of hot stone and relaxing bodywork and I’m excited to see you enjoy it. I’ve been cutting your hair more regularly and washing makeup off of you before bed and trying to remember to moisturize you and run the massage stick over your sore spots.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror and I’m upset or annoyed that you’ve lost some ground in the last couple years I have to remind myself that I’m not actually looking at you, I’m looking at me. You are the result of things that I do to and with you and there’s no point in being disappointed in you, you had nothing to do with it. Last night I stared at you for a long time in the mirror. I tried to shake some sense into you and I tried to kick your ass. You just stared quietly back, as if to say that any change to be made doesn’t come from you. You probably knew I would eventually figure it out; if I can’t love you as you are, I can’t change you. Change only comes with love, not punishment or abuse. I have to accept the things that I have done regardless of why I did them. I think I’m getting there.

I let you walk me home yesterday; you’ve been trying to tell me that you want more responsibility and that you feel better when I let you take me somewhere or lift heavy things for me. You really like having something to do besides just waiting through a work day with me.

As far as feeding you, I know damn good and well which foods make you feel great and which ones hurt you. You have never been shy about telling me when you didn’t like something and I want you to keep doing that. I know that you don’t like dairy or sugar or grain-based products. I know that you can tolerate a bit of cornstarch to thicken something or a tiny bit of sugar in the fish sauce but that you do not tolerate soy sauce under any circumstances. I know and I’m sorry. As far as treats go, sometimes I feel like I “deserve” to have chocolate or cookies or ice cream but I have been trying to remember that what I get, you get….and just because I deserve the treat doesn’t mean that you deserve the aftermath. I’ll try to figure out a better way.

So no…..my dear, beautiful body, I do not hate you. I love you and your grey hairs and your eye-smile wrinkles. I love that you’ve never given up and that you refuse to quit trying. I love the feeling that goes through you when you lay your face against my sleeping dog or cuddle up against my husband. I love that you give me as many do-overs and second chances as I need and I will continue to work tirelessly to keep you healthy and strong and vital and vibrant and most of all, happy.

Love, Shannon

My Passion Experiment – One Month Summary

A month ago I scratched a list onto a piece of paper of a bunch of things that I could do that would help to recharge me and keep me balanced and centered. Here’s the list. The items in blue were done at least once over the month and the items in green did not get done in March.

 

• Make bone broth
• Paint nails
• Wax legs (I had this done professionally…will NEVER go back to doing it myself!)
• Make salt scrub
• Make shampoo
• Do Coquitlam Crunch
• Exercise 3/week
• Go on an evening mid-week coffee date
• Do Sunday mall
• Go on road trip
• Get haircut
• Wax underarms
• Read before bed
• Enjoy couch time
• Make kombucha
• Go tanning

 

I did not make kombucha or bone broth although I did go so far as to buy jars for it…..but I decided against it due to cost at the moment. The cost of all those jars I would need add up! I did not make salt scrub because I totally forgot about that one. I did not hit the Coquitlam Crunch because, quite honestly, the weather has been so shitty that it wasn’t feasible. The nice days we did have, I rode my bicycle to work…climbing up the side of a mountain after that just seemed foolish!

 

Overall I’m pretty pleased with how the “experiment” has been going. Admittedly last week wasn’t tops for me, I had (& continue to have) horrible seasonal allergies and have been wasted on allergy medication for three weeks now. Add some ongoing difficult family issues to getting some very bad news about a good friend’s health and the final week of March sort of sucked. I felt out of sorts and blue and a bit off my game. Ray and I were bickering a bit (which is, honestly, completely out of character for us) and I was also recovering from riding nearly 65 kilometers (40 miles) over 7 days. Many of those kilometers were uphill. My body was also recovering from falling off of my bike and onto the road and/or trail and/or curb more times than I would like to admit. That definitely took a toll on me mentally as well as physically. Made me seriously question my crazy idea of riding my bike as a method of commuting!

 

Anyway, I don’t want to paint all of March with the same brush because most of it was really good. We did a lot of eating at the table, we did some after dinner dog walking, we conserved our money, we only ate out twice in the month. My social media usage has gone WAY DOWN during my at home hours (that is a huge one for me!).

 

I’m going to continue My Passion Experiment in April with a focus again on self-respect and awareness. I would like to see April contain more bicycle commuting, more weekend gym rowing, more tanning, a haircut, painted nails, dedicated couch time, our Sunday mall date, a massage (this is booked!), coffee with a friend (this is booked too, right Tara?), a family dinner, a blood donor appt and maybe depending on the weather, a motorcycle ride. I especially want to practice turning negative thoughts and feelings over to positive and, eventually, having a positive (or at least neutrally optimistic) attitude as my default. I want the majority of the things that I do (if not all of them) to be things that are done with the intent of adding passion to my inner self and value to my life overall.

 

As I enter April, I do not have a goals list ready to “guide me” along the way. Maybe that’s a mistake and if it is, I’ll be the first to admit it. I mostly want to go through April happy, healthy and active. If I can pull that off then everything else will fall into place!

My Passion Experiment – Week Two Summary

Today marks two weeks into My Passion Experiment.  You can catch up with the project here, Day Two, Day Four and Day Seven if you like.  I’m feeling pretty good compared to a couple of weeks ago.  Here are the things I’ve noticed last week:

1. For me, becoming complacent or thinking I know what’s going to happen or how I’m going to feel robs me of the ability to actually experience each day.  This one is très difficile but incredibly important for me to prevent feeling like I’m trapped in my own routine! Getting up and going through the same motions day after day; shower, cook breakfast, make coffee, feed dog, eat/drink, wash up, watch news for 11 minutes, drive to work, make tea, find something to do until noon, eat lunch, find something to do until 430, drive home, walk dog, start dinner, eat, cleanup, bed between 8 & 8:30, read for 20 minutes, sleep.  Repeat.  Can you see how that would get depressing?  But what if each day could feel different?  I’m trying to do small things that change how each day feels in order to avoid monotony and cultivate some passion for The Everyday.  Playing tuggy with Gracie for 11 minutes in the morning instead of watching the news, turning Ray’s alarm off and waking him up with kisses and cuddles instead (I like that more than he does, LOL!).  Doing a lemon sugar facial/upper body scrub before getting in the shower once a week, taking Gracie on a longer walk after work instead of rushing home to start dinner, having an after work drink in the driveway on nicer days, of course, biking to work, turning on music in the morning instead of the television, having a water-only day, going tanning in the evening instead of couch-time, floor stretches during my lunch break when no one is around. Anything to make the day feel a bit different.

 

1. Passion grows on itself.  You put a little teensy seed down on a welcoming foundation, cover it up and then spend time cultivating it. You can’t see anything yet.  Nothing looks different….but you keep watering and you keep letting the sun’s warmth get to it.  You don’t lose faith.  And eventually a teensy little speck appears.  You rejoice that the little guy is alive and then you just keep doing what you were doing.  Watering, protecting, feeding and allowing it to grow. Some days it seems as if it’ll never get any bigger….and then poof, new leaves!  Everything that it is and everything that it will be comes from that first tiny seed and the faith that it would grow in time.

 

1. Letting the past go is still a work in process.  A couple of times this past week I’ve had to gently (and then not so gently) tell Ray that I don’t want to talk about the plant or what might be happening there and that I sure as hell (that was the not so gently part) do NOT want to go for a drive and see what’s going on over there.  Not.  I also bumped into a former customer last weekend whom I knew outside of work before I knew of them as the customer….so I completely forgot that we had both associations.  Until she started grilling me about what had happened and what was going on and how could she contact someone there now.  I was so blindsided and not expecting that discussion that I nearly fainted.  So this part is still a work in process.  Although it has been successful by some measure as well in that I have not used the past as an excuse to do or not do something.  It’s simply irrelevant now.  I’ve stopped using the word “anymore” (eg, I don’t get four weeks of vacation anymore) or the word “now” (eg. I work 8 – 4:30 now).  I did that because if I drop those two qualifiers, what’s left is just a true statement.  I don’t get 4 weeks of holidays and I do work 8-4:30.  “Anymore” and “now” are those little tentacles trying to hook onto the past and keep pieces of it in the present.  I also try to avoid starting sentences with “I used to” and instead I say “When I” because I feel like starting with “I used to” makes it too regretful sounding and saying “When I” is more positive and more of a statement of fact. (eg. “I used to have an amazing boss” vs “When I worked at ABC, my boss was amazing”).  Maybe this is all BS as far as “professionals” are concerned but I find it useful for myself in staying current and closing that door.

So that’s the summary of Week Two.  Week Three should be more of the same, and instead of dreading the next 5 days of life, I’m going to be excited about it and try to wake up every day looking forward to what may come.

In other news, I rode my bicycle to work today and have revised my “scaling in” plan.  Since today is only Monday and Thursday & Friday are supposed to be nice days this week, I don’t see any real reason why I can’t ride on both those days as well, especially since the weekend is right there for recovery afterwards.  I’ll judge how I feel after riding on Thursday but this morning felt great even though I did 30 minutes of hill training on the indoor trainer on Saturday.  Bicycling is such a low impact activity that I don’t feel I have to recover my joints, ligaments, tendons after every ride; so far I haven’t been in any pain or discomfort.  I feel fantastic when I’m done and I look forward to the next outing so I’m going to keep letting my body run the show.  Going out in the morning and smelling that damp air and breathing hard; I know it’s where I’m supposed to be right now and I love it.

My Passion Experiment – Day 7

Today marks the end of the first week of My Passion Experiment.  You can read more about it in these posts:

My Passion Experiment

My Passion Experiment – Day 2

My Passion Experiment – Day 4

 

I’d said in one of the previous posts that I don’t feel like it is beneficial to “assess” whether or not it’s working but I thought I could share my observations thus far. (haha, the formatting is all buggered on this so apparently all my observations are number ONE!)

 

1.  Being “in the moment” takes practice.  I am used to flitting around (mentally and physically) and doing one thing while thinking about the next two or three tasks or trying to pull off three or four tasks at once.  I’m guilty of listening with half an ear when someone is talking to me and in having a conversation with someone without actually being engaged with them.  I’m guilty of walking my dog and texting and checking my phone.  I’m guilty of sitting down to watch a movie or a hockey game or a show with my husband and spending half the time reading blogs on my iPad. This past week I have made a concerted effort to focus on ONE thing at a time.  I have purposely left my phone downstairs and/or heard a text/tweet come through and made a point not to look at it until the next day.  Man alive, that part felt HUGELY empowering, not being a slave to a beeping, chirping, buzzing piece of glass and metal.  🙂  I noticed one night when we were having dinner, I was finished eating first and was ready to get up, clean up, get going.  I had to remind myself to just sit….and engage and chat.  Funny how we get used to blazing through things instead of stopping and enjoying them for what they are.

 

1.  I’ve noticed that I don’t feel like I need as much “couch-time” when I’ve done things that are good for me (ie, waxing my legs, filing my nails, hitting the gym, tanning, reading in bed, going to bed on time).  For whatever reason, when I’m not expending time and energy on myself, my “need” for lengthy downtime is greater than when I am spending time on/with myself.  I suspect that it’s the old “quality over quantity”.  When I’m doing quality things for myself, they blow quantity out of the water. And in reverse, if I’m not doing the quality things, I’m trying to fill that “me time” reservoir with something that has a much lower value and it takes a lot more of it.  Make sense?

 

1.  I’ve been following along with a “Love Your Body Challenge” that a dear friend turned me onto.  Every day you’re given a new mantra with a blank to fill in as it relates to you.  Then you repeat it 10 times, do the assigned “action item” while repeating it 10 times and then repeat 10 more times before you go to bed.  I’m not really a “mantra repeating” sort. Seriously…not for me.  But I’ve been writing down my mantra each day, reading it back to myself at various intervals (and reading back the ones from the previous days), doing the action items and really putting thought into what these mantras are supposed to mean.  Aside from developing more appreciation for ALL the aspects of me, it’s made me remember that there is no One Right Way.  I’m not a mantra-repeater.  No problem.  I’m not a runner anymore.  That’s alright.  Realizing that there are as many ways to achieve success as there are unique people in the world has been vastly freeing.

 

1. In an experiment inside my Experiment, I’ve also stopped giving out huge amounts of detail to Ray in regards to what I do in my alone time.  Not because I want to keep things from him but because I feel like I need to be able to celebrate myself without needing any validation from outside of myself.  It’s not hugely important things, just…..a few teeny things that I want for my own which do not impact our relationship in any form.  We are so close and we spend 90% of our at home time within sight of each other and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  But during this time of finding myself and my passion again, it’s been important to do some things because I need them, and they seem to have more value in the absence of explanation or discussion.  Does that even make sense?

 

1. And finally, I am deep in the process of letting go of the past.  That’s all I’m going to say on this right now, it’s an interesting process and one that is taking a lot of my mental energy right now.  I don’t exactly have an awesome skillset surrounding letting things go and releasing my grip on certain things is scary and does not come easily.  But….to learn and grow and move forward you cannot be chained to a huge brick from the past and even a pebble from the past in your moving-ahead-shoe is irritating and inhibits forward motion.  This is a work in progress…like the rest of this Experiment.

I’m very grateful that I have this blog because it certainly helps me to flesh things out in my mind.  But also because of the amazing people that come here to read it, people that comment and link to their own blogs and stories and lives.  It’s really an amazing community and I’m so grateful for it!

My Passion Experiment – Day 4

I sincerely thank everyone that has come to read about this project and especially those who have taken the time to comment, very much appreciated!  I’m on Day 4 of trying to live “on purpose” and of trying to nurture my inner passionate spirit back to life.  I’m not so foolish as to make any determination at this stage as to whether or not it’s “working”.  While normally I would assess and evaluate anything I’m doing, especially new things, in this case I feel that it’s in my best interest to simply keep moving forward.  To look at each new day as a blank canvas on which to paint my colors and each passed day as a finished painting, whatever it might look like.

Over the last couple of days, in choosing to “do it with passion or not at all”, a couple of other words keep popping up in my head.  Respect and disrespect.  In order to bring them into the light and find out what my heart was trying to tell me, I wrote a list of what I feel is respectful (of myself and others) and what I feel is disrespectful (again, of myself and others).

DISRESPECT

• Sleeping in, no gym
• Over-eating, eating when not hungry
• Staying up late (this does not respect my personal sleep needs)
• Using social media during quiet or couple’s time
• Eating foods which are poison to my body and mind (chocolate, grains)

RESPECT

• Keeping personal commitments (gym, dog walking)
• Wiping counters & tidying up at the end of the day and before leaving the house
• Leaving my phone off/away when at home for the evening
• Speaking in a gentle and kind voice (to myself and others)
• Greeting people at the front door to our home
• Taking time to myself without guilt

Here on Day Four of this Experiment, I’ve been back to the gym a couple of times and it’s felt good.  But different.  The first morning I went back I had my lifting grids and I was ready to hop on the treadmill and bang out a 20 minute run and then row for 3000 meters and then get back into my lifting schedule.  And…I hopped onto the treadmill……and just stood there.  41 days had passed since I’d been on a treadmill.  Before that, 6 months had passed without consistent exercise.  And in these 6-8 months previously, I treadmill sprinted…and ended up with inflamed Achilles tendons.  I lifted the heavy weights that my charts said I could do….and hurt my bad shoulder about 4 times.  I stopped and healed and started and injured and stopped a half a dozen times.  Sometimes I didn’t bother even stopping, just kept going…and ended up couched for 7 days in February.

I couldn’t press the speed button that morning.  I just kept thinking how incredibly disrespectful it would be to myself, my body and my emotional and physical health, to walk in off the street and jam myself right back where I was a year ago (or more).  So I walked.  At a wicked incline. And I sweated buckets and felt it in every muscle below my waist.  But…no pain.  No sore knees, no inflamed Achilles, no lower back pain.   After that was over I did some rowing and then it was time to head to the weights.  And again, I was stopped.  What do I do?  I scale it back, slow it down, take it easy and work my way back.  Back to where I was?  Or maybe to somewhere completely new.  Slowly and steadily.  Carefully and “on purpose”.  I left the gym feeling like not only had I gone to the gym which is very important for my “passion growing” but that I also respected myself and where I am right now.  I respected the body that has carried me through some really hard times, I respected my emotional and mental health by being real and honest and true.  Have I felt stronger, physically?  Of course.  But I felt more connected to myself than I have in a very long time and that was the strongest feeling of them all!

Cute Shoes…And Other Things

Happy Wednesday, Internet!  Did you have a good sleep?

I was in the gym again this morning working on some rowing and my legs.  I hate leg day because I don’t like leg exercises but I love leg day because it’s a faster workout for me so I get home sooner and get to have almost a half hour to myself to ice my legs and drink coffee.  Tomorrow is a FULL ON REST DAY (no gym, no century mileage) and because of that I’m kind of looking forward to tonight, staying up an hour later and laying on my couch watching my shows while Ray goes over to his buddy’s house (I took back Wednesday evenings to be mine, all mine, more on that another day).  Friday will be another upper body day at the gym and then only century mileage on Saturday and Sunday I’m doing a community run with my Seestah!

I was so excited this morning to be feeling a bit slender-er so I put on a top that Ray’s daughter bought me for C’mas that was….err…..much too tight at Cmas time.

I’ve been really nervous about stepping onto the scale next Friday (Jan 31) because I’ve been working really hard and feeling really good (finally) but felt that nothing was really changing and not seeing that scale drop down to at least near my goal would be heartbreaking.  But this morning I can tell based on this outfit that something has changed even if I’m not quite sure yet as to what that is.

And….I’m wearing these awesomely cute shoes to go with it.  I bought them in December and could not WAIT to wear them….this morning they seemed like they would go really well with my outfit win…even if it is still a bit chilly out to be wearing them.

I just wanted to talk quickly about my eating at the table thing.  It is definitely still a struggle to get Ray to naturally head for the table three nights per week and to be honest, sometimes I completely forget that we’re supposed to be sitting there.  So why am I so stuck on it? It has a little to do with enjoying the food and really compartmentalizing meals. But my ultimate goal was to get us talking to each other more, spending more face to face time with each other every evening.  Last night I thought maybe it’s working.  Dinner was in the oven when Ray got home and I don’t turn on the TV when I’m home first.  We stood in the kitchen and talked and laughed and pestered each other and then we moved into another room, sat down and went over my weights routines to make sure that they are balanced.  It was SO nice to be together with no background noise and no distractions.  Ultimately, our chatting and whatever led to a LOT of time passing and we didn’t sit down to dinner until nearly 7pm….so I acquiesced on the dinner table in favour of watching a show together while we ate.  People get into a rut…..we got into a rut.  A dull, quiet, boring rut….and my firm insistence on focusing on just each other for the duration of a meal in the evening is, slowly but surely, getting us out of it.

I have me a splitting headache right now….I’m glad that the tea I picked out for myself last night was a peppermint based one since peppermint is good for a headache….but it doesn’t seem to be helping at all!  I’m off to throw myself into the incredibly, brain-bleedingly dry world of pricing high voltage electrical maintenance.  As if that won’t make me want to put my head through the wall!

Things I Love – Tuesday

Morning!  I have a new post up on 90 Seconds of Real; four of us post there daily, short videos (less than 2 minutes) encompassing anything from cooking, nutrition, weight loss, exercise, dealing with depression/anxiety, Whole30 or whatever we’re feeling or dealing with at the moment while trying to live balanced, healthy lives.  If you think you can relate, we’d love to see you over there, take a look around (the About tab tells about each of our backgrounds) & watch a couple videos.  Click the “FOLLOW” link in the top right corner to join our little community!

 

This morning I was at the gym and did mile-row-mile (run a mile as quick as you can, get off and row 2000 meters and then run another mile….supposed to be for time, I usually am just happy if I don’t puke).  At 0.6 of my second mile I realized I’d taken in too much water after my row and I felt like I was going to be sick.  Since my current feeling is that I do a little every day and build on it, I stopped at 0.6 for the second mile and went to the weight room instead.  There I did assisted pullups, straight arm lat pulldowns, shoulder press, dumbbell flys, chest press, abs and stretching.  There were two other women in the area as well working on different programs and I took a minute to watch each of them and appreciate how we were all doing something different.  I was doing some fairly traditional exercises, another woman was doing some more advanced full body work and then the third woman was….well….flopping about like a landed fish, really….but she was super lean and fit so whatever she’s doing obviously is working for her.    None of our workouts looked like they’d particularly been designed by anyone and that got me to thinking that we all just do the best we can with what we have.  We read and research, assess ourselves and our goals and then try to do the things that will be effective with all of that in mind.  Really levels the playing field, doesn’t it!  It was also nice to see lots of new faces in the gym this morning, women that are trying to push themselves forward, shed weight and baggage and create something for themselves that is better and healthier.  So nice to see!

 

When it was epically hard to get out of bed this morning I reminded myself that A) you can’t move forward if you don’t take a step and B) the large amount of work that I do and money & time that I spend feeding us as well as I do…well….I sort of felt like that was a wasted effort if I don’t get to the gym. It’s a package deal for maximum success.

 

So…moving on, I went to the Dr last night after work, had no wait to see her (yay!) and had a nice little chat with her.  I told her about my iron issues and she’s giving me the iron panel again but adding in a B12 test for pernicious anemia as well as a test for celiac.  I do NOT think that I have celiac disease but it’s the number one cause of poor iron absorption so it makes sense to test for it.  In doing my own research I also think I would benefit from taking a Vitamin C supplement with my iron supplement as C assists with absorption of the iron.  Now I just have to find time to pop in and get my blood drawn.

 

When I got home last night I finished the process of making Well Fed “Best Chicken You Will Ever Eat”.  It was…..alright.  The seasoning mix and the morrocan dipping sauce was great but I found there was absolutely no difference between brined and unbrined meat.  It was a little dry and definitely benefitted from the sauce as well as a little drizzle of WellFed mayo.  It’s possible that since I brined on Saturday and then let it sit in the fridge that it wasn’t as good as it could have been….but she says right in the book that you can brine and then store raw for 2-3 days.  The seasonings & cooking method were definite winners but since this was a brining test for future turkey brining, it wasn’t a winner.  I will try it again though on a day when I can cook the chicken immediately after the brining process is complete.

 

Well Fed – “Best Chicken You Will Ever Eat”

Tonight I’m going to turn my car over to the body shop for repair for a few days (courtesy car) and then go home, put the stew on the stove to heat up and take Gracie for a walk in the rain.  I have my new snazzy coveralls that Ray bought me for Christmas, they are reflective, waterproof, windproof and flame retardant.  With the addition of polar fleece tights underneath, they are roasty-toasty and I love them!  I may consider wearing them for the “Chilly Chase” run on January 26!

 

I think that’s all for me today, this blog post originally started out as Things I Love Tuesday….but sort of went another direction!  In order that the title doesn’t make zero sense, here are some things that I love right now:

Ginger Citrus Body Butter by Arbonne. I actually won this, I never would have purchase it myself. My legs and arms are so silky soft and it doesn’t stay “wet” so you can easily get dressed after applying. Has a gentle fragrance also.

The now-obsolete Gingerbread Rooibos tea from David’s Tea. I bought two large cans of it in clearance because I can’t imagine not having it!

My Libre tea thermos and I do not spend any time apart. It’s self straining through the lid so you just drop your leaves in, add water and go! Absolutely love it!

Elements Botanicals sugar scrub….I use it on my face a couple times a week and my skin is So Soft!

They say you’re supposed to black out your sleeping environment completely. I can’t do that for various reasons so I have this…and I LOVE IT! I’ve been sleeping solidly every night since December 25th!

 

2014 – Self-ish

Going back YEARS into my blogging career, I often seem to post multiple times on New Year’s Eve.  Here’s another!

One of the things that I think I would like to recommit to in 2014 (this is NOT a resolution) is self care.  My “eating at the dining room table” thing is related right in there with self care.  I spend so much of my not-at-work time planning, shopping for and cooking our meals and it was starting to annoy me that we were consuming food prepared with love, in front of the TV or other “device”.  When meals would be over in minutes and I could barely remember what we ate the day before, I figured that was not in any way respecting the love and effort that I put into feeding us.

This morning, while at the gym, I noticed that my nail polish is a bit chipped and it irked me.  Somewhere along the way I stopped doing things for the sole purpose of taking care of me.  Somewhere in 2013 I stopped full body exfoliation (baking soda for the win!), I stopped painting my nails, I stopped reading books, I stopped deep conditioning my hair. Somewhere along the way I forgot to take care of myself.  Somewhere along the way I subbed in things that were meant to give me that “feel-good feeling” but which were simply saboteurs in disguise; a glass of red wine, PVR’d shows, cookie and coffee.  Not that there is anything wrong with these things, a glass of red wine is a very enjoyable thing on my register.  And I will still work on enjoying a cookie with an evening coffee on an occasion.  But they are not adequate substitutes for the things that I really value, for the things that I need in order to feel beautiful and healthy and lively.

So, this morning when I noticed my chipped nail polish and then later when I was craving a tanning session, I thought I would add a couple more January goals to my list.  In thinking about it, it really does tie in with losing my 15 stress pounds and regularly going to the gym. They are all self-care things that only I benefit from and if I really put my brain to it, how can I expect myself to go to the gym on the regular if I don’t even remove chipped nail polish?

I have been reading some blogs at work (soooo not busy) and apparently people choose a theme word that they will use to define their year.  Never heard of such a thing but I think it’s a cool idea. A word to define your actions for the year.  As soon as I thought about it for myself, I knew what my 2014 word would be.

2013 was about how the hell we were going to survive.  In 2014 my focus is going to be on me again.  The things I need, the things that make me better, happier, calmer, more loving, better balanced.  The things that speak to who I am and what I value.  It’s not about being selfish or not considering other people and their needs….it’s about being self-ish and also considering my own.

Winter 2013

Good Morning!  It’s our first snow fall here today…nothing much to speak of really, we’ll see what happens as the day goes by!

This weekend my sister came over for some Christmas fun, we (sort of) decorated my banister, we looked at old pictures, listened to Christmas music and had some Christmas cheer (by the mug full). We also ventured outside and decided to take some pictures.  Enjoy!  (There’s also a picture of me riding on Snoopy’s motorcycle but I couldn’t find it)

 

I love this picture and I love that Gracie is standing there looking at us!

Check out Gracie talking to us about how cold it is outside and how ridiculous that she has to stand out there while we fool around!

My sweet puppy!

She’d climb me and sit on my head like a hat if I let her.

My Twin Sister!

Squeeeeze

When we were little (like 3 years old), we used to put our hands on each other’s heads for nearly every nice picture my mom tried to take….I’m sure it drove her nuts.

It’s our 6 year anniversary this month!

Kissy Faces

Haha, the look on Gracie’s face is hilarious. “I do NOT want to be a part of this…I’m scared!”

Must hug mom Right Now!

11 more days and we will be 35!