Iced

Morning, Happy Friday, thank HEAVENS!  This week has gone by super fast but I feel like it kicked the crap out of me.  In extremely positive news, I think I’ve come through to the other side and have started to consistently feel pretty good.  I still haven’t gone to get my blood test, I’ll try next week, but I’m less concerned about it now.

Thinking about it this morning I wondered if I’d come through to finally having cleared toxins and crap habits from my body.  The only decent reference for this is this “timeline” on Whole9.  While I fully admit that I am not Whole30 and I tip my hat to those who are, I am staying fairly close and I wondered if, even with my “non-W30 transgressions” that I choose to be alright with, if I had come to “Tiger Blood” stage.   But what could I possibly have been detoxing from, I got to wondering.  I have always stayed pretty close to paleo.  Or….maybe not.  In a moment of post-gym mental clarity, I formed the following list of edible reasons why maybe it is possible that I really was going through some sort of cleanse.  The list below is what I can remember from approximately May 2013 – December 31, 2013:

 

Vodka: (by the 26-er) chocolate, lemon meringue, coconut, coffee, whipping cream, lemon meringue again and one more lemon meringue

Wine:  too numerous to count….’nuff said

Other alcohol:  gluten free beer, maple whiskey, disaronno, maple cream whiskey, baileys

Pub (about 3-4 times per month):  egg & chorizo hamburger (bunless), French fries, wine, gluten free beer, potachos (nachos made with potato chips), chicken wings, more hamburgers & fries, more potachos and of course, more alcohol

Diner: always the same, bacon-mushroom omelette (no cheese) and pan fries.  Nearly every weekend.

Sweets: chocolate, chocolate almonds, ice cream, ice cream, ice cream, grain free cookies, grain free muffins, gluten free cookies.  Oh….and ice cream.

Snacks: Miss Vickie’s original kettle chips….every weekend

Dairy:  sour cream, cheese, plastic cheese

 

So….that might be the reason why maybe I could possibly have been experiencing a hellish detox.  Maybe.  Considering the list above, it’s amazing that I only gained 15 pounds this year and not 50!  I will slip in here, that had I been following a SAD protocol, I most certainly would have gained a lot more….the fact that I continued to cook balanced paleo meals during this time is probably my only saving grace.  Anyway, in January, despite feeling like absolute GARBAGE for 13 out of 17 days (I felt pretty good the first two days), I stayed the course and think I have come out the other side.

I had an awesome gym workout this morning, rowing, running, bench press (which I was proud of until Lana’s video of her super-strength shamed (*) me, LOL!), assisted dips, shoulder press, weighted split squats, straight arm lat pull down, dumbbell curls.  I actually had done the 2000m row as my warmup/cardio and then did the weights….and when I realized I had some time still until I had to leave, I went for a mile on the treadmill…..and the ONLY reason I did that was to add mileage to my Century chart!

When I got home I iced both shins and my one Achilles tendon and had a coffee in the quiet of my sleeping house.  I laughed when I looked down at myself…and thought, “I think this might mean you’re back!”.

This weekend I have gym tomorrow morning, chiropractor after that and then another bank appointment.  In there is cooking, dog walking and some serious sitting.  The weather looks decent this weekend so my plan is to get out and do things that add mileage to my Century and then balance that with….well….some nothing!

(*) just kidding Lana, I wasn’t shamed….your strength is impressive and gives me something to aim at!)

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I’m Listening!

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it on here before or not, but one of the very cool side effects of going grain free and cleaning up your body is that when all the background noise has been cleared you are better able to hear what your body is trying to tell you.  When you haven’t been numbed by all the screaming and crying all the time you can actually hear it wimper quietly.  I have gotten into the bad habit of eating ice cream every evening.  It hasn’t seemed to affect my weight, the very low amount of carbs I eat day to day probably make a little extra wiggle room for the ice cream.  And so I have gotten complacent about it and have my treat every night. 

Well Sunday night I had a horrible dream that my sweet puppy was taken out of my arms and euthanized.  Woke up bawling my eyes out.  The next night I barely slept at all because my entire body was so itchy I could hardly stand it.  And then last night I dreamt rather vividly that the paramedics were giving Ray chest compressions.  OK!!!!  Point taken, I can hear you!  In my heart of hearts, I know exactly what is causing this and it’s the Sea Salt Caramel Vanilla Ice Cream that I’ve been gorging on.  Dreaming that the love of your life is dieing is a perfect motivator to clean Ye Olde Diet back up to where it should be! 

Excess sugar consumption is also to blame for my extra tiredness in the morning, my carb cravings in the mid afternoon, my lack of motivation or drive and partially to blame for my grouchiness lately.  All this I knew since sugar has been a problem for me for yeeeeeeaaaarrrrsss. 

And so, again, for about the 20^th (50^th?) time, I have to go back to a complete restriction on sugar for awhile.  This is going to suck fairly hard because I have been eating ice cream every day for Quite A While so there is bound to be a bit of detox coming my way.  Terrible timing considering that my Alien is here at the moment as well.  Maybe best that Ray is on afternoon shift, by Saturday I think I should be feeling a bit better.  Or worse.  It’s hard to predict.

It’s funny though, even knowing I’m going to feel like crap, I actually feel a bit better knowing I’m taking back control.  Not that I ever really lost control altogether, but I was definitely being driven a bit by sugar.  Even though my waistline could handle it, my physiology couldn’t.  Since I wasn’t paying attention (ignoring) to the familiar signs, my brain shot me a curve ball to wake me up. 

For dinner yesterday I made Sausage Stuffed Mushrooms.  I thought I knew where the recipe came from but now I’m not sure.  If it’s yours, claim it in the comments.  Otherwise I’m adopting it as mine.  😉  I stuff portabella mushrooms with a mixture of thawed and drained frozen spinach, about a cup of chopped up dry sundried tomatoes (rehydrated), the insides of 6 Italian Turkey Sausages, a bit of coconut flour and one egg.  I top them with shredded cheese and bake them for about 30 minutes and they are very delicious!

Tonight I’m taking a crack at making my favorite meatloaf and I’m also planning to try making a grain-free flax cracker.  The recipe I’m going to use looks pretty simple, basic but flavorful ingredients.  If it works out I’ll post it tomorrow!

That’s it for me, I’ll be drinking tonnes of water and eating lots of vegetables and I’ll be back to normal in no time!

Fat Ass?

Already sweaty and I had barely made it onto the trail!

Anyone who has ever struggled with their weight or fitness knows this feeling so try to cast your mind/self to the place where I was last night.  I got home and true to my word changed into proper exercise clothes and then dragged my fat ass (*) up the miniscule incline of my street towards the park, sweating and cursing under my breath and telling myself over and over and over and over, “Tomorrow won’t be different, tomorrow won’t be easier, tomorrow never comes.”.  This was interspersed with telling myself that the epic amount of chocolate that I have eaten over the last month caused this, my lack of self control caused this and any discomfort I felt with myself or my efforts was completely deserved and probably should have been amplified ten-fold just for being a big idiot.

I probably didn’t really do myself any favours when I got dressed for this either, I wore shorts that have never been comfortable and possibly the most unflattering exercise top I have.  My underwear was crawling up my ass the entire time, my Shuffle had died so I had to carry my iPhone in my hand the entire way and it was very humid and close in the park.  All that negativity aside though, I did the best I could and finished strong.  It was only 4 kilometers and I didn’t time myself (that wasn’t the point) and I had to walk a lot of it.  But when I got home after my “end of the run, down my own street sprint” I was very impressed with how quickly my heart rate and breathing came back to normal.  My back and legs were pretty sore last night but this morning I feel fine.  Today after work I’m doing a 5.5km walk/jog with the focus on walking, rain or shine.

(*) Note, my referral to my fat ass is subjective, of course.  Fat is a state of mind as much as a state of body as far as I’m concerned.  I am in my acceptable weight range, at the low end of it, even, and yet I feel/felt as uncomfortable within myself as I ever did when I was 100 pounds heavier. The toxicity and lack of self respect doesn’t discriminate over size or body fat percentage, it is as real for me now as it was back then and even though I don’t need to shed weight to build a healthier body anymore, the work and effort is as real and urgent to my mental health as it ever was to the physical. 

When I got home from my park mission yesterday I checked the mail and was very excited to find a little box stuffed in my mailbox.  It was “Leaf” that I ordered from Noelle Munoz Jewelry and it is beautiful!!  The craftsmanship is incredible, her attention to detail and excellence just blew my mind, even the wrapping that it came in is top end.  Really a nice experience from start to finish. 

 

My insane cravings for chocolate and sugar and sweets yesterday (and the pissy mood and snarky tongue that came with it) led me to believe that detoxing is exactly what I needed to start.  When I had to run to the grocery store before dinner for some veggies for lunches I was by myself in the house and a little concerned that I would cave and buy a chocolate bar or something equally as sugary.  I held strong though because tomorrow isn’t any easier than today.  If it’s difficult today, just do it and push through, it does not get easier tomorrow.  So, veggies and a couple apples and I was on my way out the door, successful and strong.  Win!

See?? No chocolate!

 Happy weekend, hopefully we hear something this weekend about Olive, we still don’t have her and now my emails to the rescue agency aren’t being returned so I’m leaning toward wondering if the current owner has changed their mind about giving her up.  Fingers crossed that we hear something so that we can either get her or move forward!