Category Archives: Love List
One Hour, One Bottle
Of wine. One hour of talking and one bottle of wine and some apparant understanding between Ray and I as it relates to his ex wife. So why, this morning, do I feel completely defeated, like I sold out on my values and morals and am now a doormat. Maybe it’s what my sister said in the comments yesterday, because I don’t want to let anyone else win? My version of winning has her vaporizing in a puff of black smoke, never to darken our door or set my teeth on edge again. Obviously that’s not the sort of winning that I can have. Obviously. So why then, do I feel like I lost? I didn’t lose….I made the best of a bad situation. Right?
Our conversation last night went amazingly well, we were both calm, no one cried, we were honest with each other and both of us discussed how we feel about certain situations. We also discussed that this new understanding applies only to UNAVOIDABLE CIRCUMSTANCES….birthdays, funerals, weddings. It does not give her carte blanche to come over whenever she likes, for Ray to invite her in for coffee without privately consulting me first. I still want her to stop calling our house all the time, I want her to STOP calling our house only when she knows I’m not going to be home (and the same for coming over). Ray figures that she’s just trying to avoid me….I said that everytime she does that, those shards of glass that I have to swallow get sharper and then, so does my mood/attitude. He says I probably make her uncomfortable….I said “Good.” and if she needs to come over/make contact then she has to do it when I’m there, discomfort for her or not.
Ray had to call his daughter last night also….since the way that things were handled when Ray called Judy the night before and asked her not to come did not sit well with Andrea….and she has the potential to cause a lot of problems for us if she decides that’s the way she wants to go. When Ray called her last night her biggest issue was that she didn’t understand why everything seemed perfectly fine at the wedding and that now it’s not. Ray had to explain to her that the ‘perfectly fine’ at the wedding was an enormous amount of work and caused great issue in our relationship and that certain things afterward were not taken care of like they should have been and that’s part of what is going on now. I’m impressed with him because he took it all on himself when he was smoothing things over with her. Ray will also be calling his ex wife this weekend and getting together for coffee with her (at my request) and resetting the new boundaries for going forward. He said that in fairness to her, before me, he always encouraged her to come over, see the dog, see the kids etc. He never refused her if she brought cooking or baking over. And when I showed up, we dated for awhile before I moved in and to her there was no difference. Now there’s a big difference and she hasn’t made the shift. So, in the interest of goodwill and calmness in our universe, I asked him to go for coffee with her and explain that the request for her not to come to dinner the other night may have been handled poorly (it wasn’t, but we have dealt with that in our own relationship) and that yes, we can all be in the same room together for birthdays and funerals and weddings. He’s also going to explain though that while that’s all very nice and well, she shouldn’t be calling the house (especially when she knows I’m not home), she should never be calling the house after 8pm at night, she shouldn’t be dropping by unannounced etc. Yes, we can all be in the same room together but we’re not all best buddies, some of this is new boundaries that are going to have to be respected.
Anyway, after our conversation last night, we made and ate dinner and then Ray offered to take me on my favourite date…Chapters. I love going to Chapters at night and wandering around the store, letting my mind and hands drift and dust jackets, reading snippets and browsing magazines. We separate at the front door and then wind our way back to each other and for whatever reason it’s one of my favorite things to do together. I bought two new books last night. I haven’t been excited about my reading list lately and now I want to tear through the book I’m on to get going on the new ones!
Tomorrow is a day off here in British Columbia, it’s Remembrance Day (the day we remember our veterans and what they did for us…at 11:11am on 11/11/11). We will take a moment of silence at that time and be grateful for all of our freedoms and luxuries and remember how blessed we are. We’re going on a little road trip tomorrow, we’re taking a drive to a town that is about 4 hours away so that we can buy the best, most delicious peach pie and the gooiest most sugary cinnamon bun in the whole world. And then we’re driving 4 hours back home. Saturday I have spinning (which I have to go to, especially since I skipped spinning last night in favour of doing a little relationship housekeeping) and then the AGM for our motorcycle group. Sunday I think we might go for a picnic if the weather is nice.
Tonight I am SUPPOSED to be getting my hair cut….yep, missed last week due to horrific traffic accident. This hair cut is now 3 weeks late and I can almost audition for the role of sheepdog in the next big movie! And then I’m treating myself to sushi for dinner (Ray is dining with his mom tonight).
Love List ~ November 10, 2011
Sushi (I’m anticipating loving this one!)
Understanding among partners
Freedom to do, wear, say and vote however I choose
I’m At A Loss
Days Worth Living For
These last few days have been the ones that make all the hassle and daily struggle and bullshit worth it. The fun stuff, the good stuff, the stuff that makes you smile and months from now may give you a chuckle or a smile when you think of it.
Friday morning started off very dark and very cold when I went to get Tara to go to the USA. We stopped for some very good coffee and shared a white chocolate and raspberry scone from Woods Coffee Company in Bellingham and then got on the interstate and booked it down to the outlet mall. Money was spent, laughs were had, fancy panties were purchased and then it was lunch time. Applebee’s in the US is not bad….it’s not great, but it’s not bad. Unfortunately as we were leaving to head back to stores closer to home, we saw the restaurant that we had initially wanted to go to not 4 blocks down the road. Ah, well, maybe next time. Tara fell in immediate love with Trader Joe’s in Bellingham and we spent a good long time perusing their offerings. Both of us packed grocery bags full and headed for our last stop at Target. And then…it was time to come home.
Great trip, great conversation….the only thing that would have made it better is…..nope, not much. Great day.
When I got home from dropping Tara off, Ray took me for dinner and then I had to come home and boil ribs and make sauce and cut squash and make apple crisp in preparation for the family dinner that we were hosting on Saturday.
Saturday morning started out bright and early with a killer spinning class. I realized about half way through the class that my body has adapted to spinning and that the resistance that used to torture me isn’t quite as difficult anymore. And so, because I figure what’s the point of going unless you’re going to give it everything you have, I cranked up the dial and got after it. When I got home from spinning I was very happy to see that Ray had vaccumed upstairs and down and mopped the floors. Very nice little treat, much appreciated!
Dinner was fantastic, wine, succulent ribs, savoury rice, caesar salad and some killer herbed garlic toast. And warm apple crisp with vanilla ice cream for dessert.
And yesterday was a beautiful crisp fall day that had us lazing about until noon, a nice lunch at a neighborhood coffee shop and then two hours of leaf raking in the back yard. Ray commented to me as I was raking that because of how large our yard is and how many leaves there were to rake, that it meant I shouldn’t have to go to the gym for a couple of days. I disagree….while the leaf raking and hauling of 35 pound leaf bins and bags gets the heart rate up, I rather believe that the gym is the reason that I can leaf rake without an aching back or exhausting myself. Leaf raking falls into the same category as dog walking or car washing or yard mowing. It’s one of those things that you do, that is active, but isn’t considered exercise…not gym-replacing exercise anyway.
Sunday night was leftovers for dinner, I baked Peanut Butter Ranch Cookies and spent a couple hours sitting on the sofa in my jammies drinking hot toddies and watching mindless television (which almost never happens).
I had one epiphany over the weekend that concerned exercise and food. For me, I’m in the gym 4 hours a week. Three spinning classes and a kickboxing class….(I burn approximately 2700 calories at the gym every week). I’m NOT in the gym 15 hours/day (waking hours) which is 105 hours a week. What goes on in the gym is good….definitely good, great even. But what goes on when I’m not in the gym as it relates to food is a larger portion of my life. Kill a workout 4 hours a week, great. Eat too much or the wrong food when not in the gym and you’re diminishing the value of that hard work. That was my epiphany. It’s really easy to get sucked into the mindset of “I worked like a demon in the gym, now hand over the brownie!”. I am going to work hard the next month to change that mindset to “I worked like a demon in the gym, now I’m seeing results!”.
Below is a photo of the delicious ribs that we made!
Tonight I’m going to BodyCombat (kickboxing) right after work…again, dependant on making it there by the time the class starts…I can’t leave work early every Monday so it’s a crap shoot if the traffic is decent enough to get me there on time. Tuesday is 6am spinning, Wednesday is 7pm spinning and then I think I might try to squeeze a class in on Friday (day off) because I have an hour of cardio to make up to keep me on track this month.
Love List ~ November 7, 2011
Low Grade Crabby
End of October!
A Pumpkin Night
A quick post to show you some very cute pumpkins that were handcrafted by my friend and I. I would also have had a picture to show you of the sushi that we got however I was too excited and got right into eating it….and then catastrophe struck when my little take out container slid right off my lap and onto the floor. I suppose fate saved me from stuffing myself full of sushi since eating it off the dog-furred rug is slightly beneath me. It was especially upsetting since it happened exactly as I was thinking to myself “Gee, I sure am glad I go spinning often so that I can eat all of this and not feel guilty.” I guess the world decided I shouldn’t actually eat ALL of it and portion controlled my dinner via floor-smash. Oh well. The part I got to eat was deeeelicious!
We also had lots of wine and watched a silly girly movie and drank bubble tea…..which…..I am not a fan of. Really. No. Just……no.
I’ve got a love list below….but I also have a love, not so much love item. Earlier this week Ray and I suffered a bit of a blow to our relationship…..we’ll heal and move on but it’s taking me a little longer to get back to feeling alright. So yesterday when I talked to him on the phone I asked him to please kiss me when he came to bed last night. He always says he will and he never does. He says he figures I’m sleeping, why bother. I insisted this time, my heart and soul really needed a kiss when he layed down beside me. I really didn’t believe he would do it, so I was pleasantly surprised and scared shitless when he planted a big wet kiss right on my sound asleep lips at 1am. He’s actually a little lucky that I didn’t deck him. So…..yes, I liked getting a kiss when he came to bed and I liked that he followed through with what I asked for…..but I did not like Fright Nights in my bed last night. LOL!
Anyway, on with the pumpkins. There’s Meghan pre-poking the balls, there’s a pumpkin closeup, there’s a field of pumpkins with some wine and someone’s hand trying to sneak it and there’s a picture of the faced ones close up. There is not a picture of the sushi (as noted) or the sheer destruction of my kitchen when we were done last night.
Here’s something you should not do. Make Royal Icing and then get distracted and let it harden into your mix master and beaters. Also? Don’t cut styrofoam with a bread knife, that shit gets everywhere! Also, don’t put hot melted chocolate directly into a ziploc sandwich bag, the bag melts and the chocolate goes everywhere! Just a few tips should you decide to craft your own Pumpkin Head Cake Pops!
Love List ~ October 28, 2011
This morning I am grateful for:
- wine and a silly girl movie on a weeknight
- a field of pumpkins in my kitchen in the morning
- my jug of water
- a 1 am chat about everything that I can barely remember