I’m Quitting The Gym!

Last night sucked the big one!  I was in the mall for over 2 hours.  Here are the highlights:

 

• H&M apparantly is made to fit abnormally small women, I couldn’t even get a 14 dress zipped up around my rib cage
• any dress that is not skin tight is matronly looking
• everything this holiday season is completely covered in sequins.  I am not sequin people.
• I got stuck in the same shirt 5 different times while trying to figure out how it went on. 
• I bought a pair of Liquid jeans in dark wash to wear tomorrow night.  I have no top to go with.
• I bought a lovely tapestry skirt and a necklace.  I have no top to go with.

I came home after the 2 hours that I spent buying the one pair of jeans and one skirt and told Ray that I was cancelling my gym membership and that we were going to immediately start existing on take out because it apparantly makes no Goddamn difference how hard I work, I can’t fit the clothes anyway.  Now….this is not the first time that this has happened to me, I actually have a really hard time shopping.  I’m not sure why.  I have about 10 pounds that I can lose.  10 pounds should not make the difference to being able to shop in the mall.  I am frustrated.  Going to skip dinner with Ray’s mom tonight and go to a different mall and see what I can find.  It’s a lower end mall which hopefully means more average person stores, less high end? 

 

Last night when I got home we went out for sushi to I Love Sushi.  It’s pretty darn good for what it is.  I’ve had better but for the price point and the location it’s my favourite place to go, hands down.  My plan was to have one roll and bring the second one for my lunch today.  But….we got to chatting and munching and before I knew it, both of them were in my belly!  I should never have ordered both, I could eat sushi until my tummy bursts, the taste and texture are  addictive to me.  Duly noted, Self, be wary of sushi!

 

Tomorrow night we’re having the holiday party for our motorcycle group.  I’m not really looking forward to it, I won’t be drinking tonnes and they’re serving a pre-done turkey dinner which I am NOT thrilled about.  That is a huge meal for a holiday party and when something is premade, it’s not like a buffet where you can choose how much of everything you get (eg, veg and turkey instead of getting served a tonne of mashed potatoes and stuffing and gravy.  Especially after the bad taste left in my mouth about yesterday’s shopping disaster I’m not really feeling the “celebrate with food, eat whatever you want” mentality right now…not at all.

 

I’m going tanning after work because it makes me happy and it makes me smell nice.  Dinner after my second shopping expedition is going to be a fried egg sandwich and a glass of wine.  And…..I will go spinning tomorrow morning.  Because I’m not actually cancelling my gym membership.

 

Happy Weekend!

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Development!

I had very nice news overnight, apparantly all of the Christmas plans have changed.  I’m not sure if I’ve posted it here before, but we have some issues within our relationship that relate to Ray’s ex wife and his grown children insisting that they see both of their divorced parents at the same time on Christmas morning.  This also involves the fact that I have been told I’m not welcome to be there….just Ray and his ex wife.  Fucked up, definitely.  Anyway, this year Ray’s daughter decided to allow me to be present at Christmas morning…..gee….thanks.  I didn’t really know which way to go on that, obviously I want to spend C’mas morning with my spouse but I do NOT want to see his ex wife on that day.  I had actually completely come to terms with it and I was going to go and spend Christmas morning sitting in our neighborhood Starbucks sipping delightfully overly sweet hot chocolate and reading my book until Ray got done and came to get me.  I had gotten to the point where I was actually looking forward to it. 

 

Happily overnight we got an email from Ray’s daughter that her and her new husband have chosen to go to his parent’s for Christmas which is at least a day’s drive away.  So they will be going there for the week.  That means NO FUCKED UP GROUP GET TOGETHER!  Ray’s son will come over to our house in the morning (or sleep over C’mas Eve night), we’ll do gifts, I’ll make a proper C’mas Morning type breakfast and then he can go to his mom’s and we’ll go and see my family.  EXCELLENT!  So Ray and I get another full year to work on our handling of the family-type situations, I get another full year to build my relationship with Ray’s daughter (which can only lead to good things) and then we all get to stress out about all of this again 12 months hence.  But for now?  We relax.

 

Tonight is spinning….and my favourite spinning instructor’s last day.  I wouldn’t miss this for anything, I really like her style of instruction and I will miss being motivated by her.   What her departure has got me to think about is perhaps going out and getting my Les Mills RPM certification so that I can instruct classes as a substitute.  I have a major love of indoor cycling and while I’ve never instructed a class before, I think that’s the point of going through the training, right?  Anyway, I still have to give it some thought.  I thought if I do the Les Mills training I may look into doing the actual Spinning certification at the same time.

 

Tomorrow night I’m going out into the Scary World (read:  mall) to try to buy a dress for our upcoming holiday parties.  I want one that’s short but all the short dresses seem to have tank top style tops and I will freeze!  We’ll see what I can find, I better be able to at least find something acceptable to wear!

 

Finally, I think I’ve decided to get a tattoo.  This is one of those things that I’ve always wanted but I never really liked anything enough to actually permanently mark my body with it.  Until I found this quote.  It’s in french, the guy who spoke it did so in french.  And I think it’s beautiful.  It means a heck of a lot to me and what I believe about myself.  I like that it’s in french so not just anyone will know what it says on first glance.  And, while I’m no artist, I think it should look really pretty with a vine entwined into it and then little spring leaf buds at the ends.  I drew a picture…..ingore the fact that I suck at drawing even something as simple as a leafy vine.  I want it tattooed on my right side, starting just under where my bra band ends.  That spot doesn’t sag, doesn’t gain or lose weight to speak of, wouldn’t change if I put on muscle.  It’s hidden unless I’m in my undies or a bathing suit.  And I can see it every day.  The translation is:  “In the depths of winter, I have found in myself an invincible summer.” 

 

 

 

Confused!

I’m totally conflicted right now. I’m totally in my groove as far as food and exercise. To be honest, it doesn’t get much tighter or energized or positive than I am right now. And yet? This morning when I stood on the scale, I’m back up to 177 pounds. I was 173 this time last week (and it’s not TOM). The really weird thing is that my waist measurement is back down to 31.5″ which it was when I was at 171 pounds. Now…..don’t go and tell me that I must’ve put on muscle. I probably have, there is no flab left in my legs and my butt is fairly firm. But I did not put on 8 pounds of muscle since the beginning of October. I’m really not sure where to go from here. Obviously I just keep on keeping on….but what do I do with the mental chatter? I’m usually always trying to lose a couple pounds….because even if I don’t lose or don’t have it to lose, the effort of the try means I won’t gain. But I did just gain….but I’m not really noticing the gain. I’m confused.

On to other things. Last night as I was leaving work to head for the gym and Body Combat, I realized that I just didn’t have it in me mentally to race through traffic and arrive at the gym by the skin of my teeth and then do an hour long class of something that I’m not good at. Instead I decided that I would go for a treadmill jog. I needed the easier mental aspect and I figured that I need to still be jogging occassionally so that I’m gearing up for my February Trail Running classes. Last time I jogged I sucked pretty hard at it so this time I decided to find a moderate pace on the treadmill and go for only 30 minutes. However far I made it in 30 minutes would be good enough. And? It was great! I think because I was in a positive mental space and because I didn’t put a tonne of pressure on myself to go a certain distance or a certain speed, I felt great at the end. I ended up jogging for 32 minutes and made it 2.5 miles (4km). I had a 12:00 mile….definitely not my fastest, I used to be able to do a 5k in under 35 minutes and at the rate I was going it would have taken me 40 to do 5k. But that wasn’t the point. I jogged the whole thing, no walking breaks.

Part of me laughed after I was finished. I walked back to the change room past the Combat class that was going on and the first thought in my head was ‘You suck, you copped out and took the easy way out!’. And then I laughed. Jogging for 30 minutes is the easy way? LOL! It was and it wasn’t. It was familiar and I was alone and safe to suck or succeed, whichever it was going to be, but it was different muscles and static cardio which brings about different breathing. I still remember quite vividly that there was a time not so long ago that walking for 30 minutes at a brisk pace without slowing required some serious mental chatter and fortitude. It’s amazing to me how things can change…….I never, ever would have thought a 30 minute jog would be the easiest way out. Never.

I went spinning this morning (even though, after I saw the gain on the scale I wanted to call it off and go back to bed, after all, what’s the point of busting my ass if I’m putting ON weight?) and worked it hard. Tomorrow night is Valerie’s last spinning class. 😦 I like the girl who is taking over Wednesday nights (same girl as Tuesday mornings) so it should be alright…..but I’ll definitely miss my favourite instructor!

Breakfast this morning was a cup of Shredded Wheat w/ Bran and almond milk and a banana. Post spin was protein powder w/ water and a banana. Snack at work was some butternut squash with a hard boiled egg cut up in it and a mandarin orange. Second snack will be an apple and a slice of ham (not processed, the real deal). Lunch is the sweet potato stew (vegan, btw) w/ 2 ounces of cooked ground turkey. Third snack will be another apple w/ another hard boiled egg. And dinner tonight is NY striploin, roasted squash and steamed green beans. That’s a total calorie intake of 1545 (780 from fruit/veg, 610 from protein). And my burn today was 600. HOW AM I GAINING WEIGHT???????

OK, now that I’ve gotten that out of my system.

Have a great day! My love list today is me. I love me. Narcissistic? Perhaps….but shouldn’t we love ourselves? (also I’m lazy and don’t feel like dreaming up a list. 😉

Flush Me!

Do you hear that?  That flushing noise?  That’s the sound of me guzzling water and trying to flush out the teeny weenie bit of sodium that I consumed over the weekend which is now wreaking havoc on my body.  It’s quite ridiculous actually and something I’m going to mention to my doctor.  I had one White Spot burger on Saturday afternoon.  Not even the whole thing actually….more like 3/4 of the burger.  And I am paying the price BIG TIME this morning (and a little bit yesterday but I didn’t get out of my jammies yesterday so I didn’t notice it too much in my waistline).  I need to make a doctor’s appt this week anyway and I think I am going to bring this up.  The only thing is that I’m worried that she’s going to prescribe me something stupid like water pills.

 

The weekend was pretty good, spinning on Saturday was insanely hard, the instructor that I originally started out with back in February was back and I remembered why I had nicknamed her “Satan”!  She ran a killer class and having had a few glasses of red wine the evening before, it killed me!  Ray and I spent the late morning & early afternoon napping and then went for our burger (as noted above) and groceries.   Sunday was a Jammy Day, toast for breakfast, egg sandwich for lunch and turkey burger for dinner.  Ray slept until 1pm yesterday (graveyard) so I layed about and read.  All in all the weekend was very relaxing!

 

I made an African Sweet Potato & Peanut Stew on Saturday afternoon for my lunch this week.  The smell is insanely delicious and the taste is not bad too.  The problem is that the recipe called to cook the sweet potatoes until ‘very tender’, which I did.  Problem being that once you stir the stew, the yams break down and it’s more like African Sweet Potato & Peanut Smoosh.  It’s dead easy to make and very cheap so I’ll definitely do it again….but next time I’ll roast the yams first and then let them cool.  That should form them a bit of a ‘skin’ on their outsides so that they can hold themselves together.  Then I’ll put the sauce over the yams, chickpeas, green beans in a pot on the stove rather than the slow cooker for several hours.   Lesson learned.

 

Tonight I have Body Combat….but I also have a dislocated butt cheek.  Well, not really…..but something is twisted or pinching my sciatic nerve and my butt cheek lights up with every step.  I’ve brought my gym bag with me in order to go right after work.  If I go for a walk or spin, the pain eases as I warm up and loosen up….so I know I would do alright in Combat………it’s the day AFTER combat that I’m worried about.  I only have four more Tuesday morning spinning classes to attend so I definitely don’t want to miss one because of a faulty butt cheek.  I’m not really sure what I’m going to do when that’s over either.  I really love getting a good spin in first thing in the morning but I really hate working until 4:30 and then fighting traffic all the way home.  If only they would move that 6am class to an hour earlier….then I could have it all!  LOL! 

 

Love List ~ November 28, 2011

This morning I am grateful for:

THE SUNSHINE!

Lucky!

My boyfriend is 6 feet tall and 230 pounds.  Last night we were looking at a fitness magazine and I wondered how much the cover model had to give up in order to look like she does, and how much of that is genetics.  During the conversation, Ray made some comment about how he didn’t think I would ever be able to change my eating habits.  I thought he was referring to the fact that I may always be in a ‘diet’ mindset.  What he actually meant was that he didn’t think I would ever be able to cut down on the amount of food that I eat.  He said to me, “You’re lucky, if I ate as much as you do I’d be 350 pounds by now.”.  I just about choked!  I’ve often thought the exact same thing about him; “If I ate the amount of calories that he does, I’d be right back where I started.”.  I thought it was funny though because from his perspective I eat a boatload of food.  From my perspective I would like to gain some muscle so I can eat MORE and think about it all less. 

 

Perspective is where it’s at (and a little of the ‘grass is greener’, I think).  Volume-wise, I definitely do eat more.  More fruit, more veg, more lean protein.  Volume wise I probably double him.  But calorie wise we are miles apart!  I do not eat as much cookies, bread (my darling ate an entire loaf of white bread in 4 days this week!), cheezies, coke, halloween candy, dark chocolate etc.  We eat very healthy meals (because I do the shopping and cooking)….but he supplements those with the ‘fun’ stuff whereas I do not.  Granted, he could definitely afford to lose about 20 pounds for his overall health, but he’s a big, muscular man and generally does not have the issues that I have for weight, both mentally and physically.

 

I thought it was also interesting that he referred to me as ‘lucky’ because that is definitely not how I feel.  “Lucky” would be eating out daily, not prepping veggies for two meals and two snacks every day, not worrying about protein/carb/fat ratio.  It would be having treats and lattes and big whippy sugary-sweet hot chocolate whenever my soul feels like being comforted.  It would be buying and eating whatever I want without looking at nutrition labels (and then not putting delicious looking things back because they are just too loaded).  It would be not noticing how sugar makes me feel like garbage, how certain grains or too many starchy carbs wrecks my stomach.  It would be drinking wine whenever I feel like without having to abstain because the next morning I have to spin.   It would NOT be exercising 4 times per week at a stupid intensity.  It would NOT be logging calories and weighing daily.  If I was lucky I would not beat myself up over small gains and rejoice over small losses.  I wouldn’t worry about what my weight should be, whether I have enough muscle, how much more fit I could become. 

 

Nope…not really feeling ‘lucky’.  But….I’m also not feeling sorry for myself.  Again, I make the choice to behave in the way that I do, I put importance on my weight, my health,my physical fitness and my appearance.  I may not be ‘lucky’ enough to eat whatever I want and lay around all day but I am fortunate enough to be smart and aware and active.  And I get all the benefits of that healthier way of living…energy, vitality, tight ass….you know, the important things!  😉

 

Happy Friday!

Magic Potion!

http://wernerstrengthprograms.wordpress.com/2011/11/23/211/

 

I recently read an awesome article, it was explaining why so many people fail with getting in shape (and I’m sure it’s a similar thing for losing weight).  It was explaining how when people are all insanely excited and gung ho and off the wall with enthusiasm that it’s that exact enthusiasm that can derail you after awhile.  Anyway, click on over and take a look if you like.  Well worth reading.

 

Yesterday’s spinning class and the day before Combat have kicked my ass…literally….my butt is so sore…but the fact that I can feel it every time I sit down and stand up is awesome, it’s a reminder that I have been doing good things!  There’s spinning tonight also…..I’m going to try to hit the tanning bed tonight before spinning also.  I’ve been lazy about it and I shouldn’t, it really does make my excema so much better…plus I’m paying for it anyway so I might as well use it!

 

I really don’t have much else to say today (odd, I know!).  I found this saying today and have printed it and put it on my bathroom mirror.  It’s a good reminder for when you’re waiting for that magic potion that makes you want to go out in the dark and cold to work out or makes you love getting out of bed early to exercise, that it’s YOU that creates your own magic potion.  When you’re waiting for eating vegetables and lean protein to be as delightful and easy as eating chocolate and fish sticks, that it’s YOU that decides what is and isn’t alright. 

 

Love List ~ November 23, 2011

This morning I am grateful for:

almond coconut chocolate chip cookie

green beans w/ lemon pepper

a sore bum

 

Future Me

Morning!

Do you ever look back a month or 6 months or a year and try to remember what was going on or how you were feeling or what you were looking forward to?  I came across a very cool website yesterday; www.futureme.org  You can write yourself (or anyone) an email that is then delivered anywhere from 30 days to far, far into the future.  I wrote myself a one month letter and a one year letter.  I think it’s kind of cool.  I told Current Me what was going on, how I was feeling and what I hope that Future Me is going to have achieved by the time the email arrives.  And the strangest thing happened.  What Current Me hopes that Future Me has achieved actually motivated my workout at Body Combat.  When I wanted to ease off a little, I thought of reading the email in 30 days and again in a year and having to acknowledge to myself that I didn’t try as hard as I could or do my very best in order to achieve the Future Me goals.

I worked Body Combat as hard as I could last night, Valerie has only one more Body Combat class before she moves away, and to be honest, I really hate that class.  I am bad at it, it hurts and I look retarded.  And if the new instructor to replace Valerie isn’t fantastic, I think I’m going to have a very hard time showing up to it.  I know who they think it’s going to be…and if it is her, then great!

Last night when I got home from Combat, Ray had a roast and brocoli and steamed red potatoes all ready to go.  Very nice to come home to!  I cleaned up dinner while he went back to bed for night shift tonight.  I packed my lunch, packed this morning’s gym bag and then made 4 dozen peanut butter cookies.  While the cookies were baking, the fridge got cleaned out and a load of laundry done.  Energy definitely does breed more energy!

Last night Ray also happened to inform me that the week before Christmas he’s supposed to be on dayshift.  That won’t happen, senior guys to him will be on holidays so he’ll have to go to a different shift.  He said he is goint to choose graveyards instead of afternoons.  Unfortunately that didn’t make me very happy.  My last vacation day of the year is on that first Monday…the day after my birthday.  My original plan was to sleep in, get showered or bathed and then crawl back into bed and watch Sex & The City, Gilmore Girls and any other silly girlie show or movie that I feel like while munching on birthday cake.  A day of complete luxury.   Unfortunately now that’s ruined.  If Ray works graveyards, I’ll have to get out of bed by 6:30am and fully showered and hair done so that he can go to sleep for the day.  Obviously I don’t want him to work a shift he doesn’t want (afternoons sucks right before a lengthy shut down), but I don’t want my day of sinful laziness to be ruined either.  It’s not the same to camp on the sofa and watch movies and it’s certainly not going to be nice to get up at my regular awake time and get ready like any normal day on my last day off.  I had this all hammered out in my head and now it’s not going to work out.  I’m sadder about it than is fully reasonable.  I’m going to have to make an entirely new plan so that my last day off of the year, the day after my birthday, is not just any old day.  Gr.

Love List ~ November 22, 2011

• early morning spinning and a hot shower
• tangerine flavoured lip gloss
• juicy kiwi (eaten with the skin ON!)

Winter Schminter!

Happy Monday, it’s snowing here….in a place that does not deal well with snow.  I am from The North, we had snow, packed on roads and plowed up onto medians for 5 months of the year.  Shovelling was a daily (and sometimes mulitple times) chore.  We had block heaters in our cars and actual winter clothing, snow pants and big mittens, toques and earmuffs.  I grew up in a climate that had an Actual Winter and it didn’t bother me.  My sister and I used to walk to and from school (about a km and a half each way) every day.  The only time that we were given a pass on going to school was when the thermometer outside of our dining room window showed -40 or colder.  That happened about once/year.  Any other day we walked.  We put snowpants and winter jackets over our clothes, put on boots and mitts and braved the outdoors.  And now?  I hate the cold and I hate the snow.  When Ray took our dog for a walk last night he didn’t even bother asking me if I wanted to go (granted I was cooking dinner, but still).  I probably wouldn’t hate it as much if I had all the proper winter gear again….but since I’m always cold anyway (sitting here typing, my fingers may just shatter), going out into even colder doesn’t thrill me at all.

 

Yesterday I made Roasted Acorn & Butternut Soup.  It turned out alright…..because those are fairly sweet squashes though (and even more once you roast them), it’s difficult to season the soup.  We don’t like spicy and if you don’t season it properly it has the potential to become Pie Filling Soup.  I did alright with it and I’m curious to taste it again today once the flavours have melded.  I also made cheesy croutons out of large chunks of baguette, spread with some goat cheese and topped with a little sprinkle of marble and then broiled.  Very delicious!

 

I’m still on my Low Sodium awareness, I do not want a repeat of last week.  I’m convinced that the problem last week was something of a perfect storm of TOM, eating out and heart issue which caused the over-retention of sodium.  But I’m not taking any chances.  I’m being much more aware of sodium content (which is a good idea anyway) and buying sometimes more expensive but lower sodium products.  I used low sodium organic chicken and veg broth for the soup last night and when I was buying canned salmon for my lunch I found a low sodium one….460mg  per serving for the regular one and 85mg per serving for the low sodium one.  More expensive but that’s a HUGE difference.  The taste is slightly more bland but that’ll change as we get used to this.  

 

Tonight I’m going to BodyCombat at 4:30pm.  Ray is back on graveyard so he is sleeping now but will hopefully be cooking a small roast and some asparagus and red potatoes by the time I get home from Combat tonight.   We’re eating out once this week, on a Friday night date with our friends.  Given our recent record of eating out, I’ll take once/week as an acceptable reduction! 

 

I haven’t posted a Love List lately….and while you might not care, I do and I liked framing my day in a grateful manner so I’m going to try to do consistently again.

 

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Love List ~  November 21, 2011

This morning I am grateful for:

 

my kitten hat

silly kisses at 6:15am

an absence of morning commute mayhem

warm soup for lunch

Saturday Evening Post (get it? haha)

Oh, Saturday evening, how I love thee.  I get to sleep in tomorrow morning as per our household ‘rule’ and I don’t have to go to the gym in the morning so that means I get to drink me some wine.  Yep, loving Saturday evening!

I went spinning this morning, out into the very frosty cold morning to get my sweat on.  I hadn’t eaten that much yesterday (after I chucked my original lunch due to sodium and had a very light dinner for the same reason) and I really noticed that I ran out of steam mid class.  But I pushed through and finished with power.  One thing I did notice this morning during spinning was that when the sweat was dripping off me it was cloudy.  I also noticed that it was so salty/acidic that it was burning my skin.  Obviously an imbalance in here somewhere.  I have managed to lose 3.5 of my gained horror pounds since I’ve been being conscientious about sodium and flushing with water so I think I’m on the right track.

My mom, sister and I went on an outing today.  After spinning I drove to my sister’s house and we all went out to a pottery painting shop.  My sister is very creative, my mom and I are not.  I’ll leave it at that.  We have before pictures of the items that we painted and when the finished product comes back later this week I’ll post the before and after pictures.  Lunch was sushi….aaaand because of my electrolyte issues, I had one roll and then 8 pieces of sashimi (raw salmon and tuna) and very minimal soy sauce.  Lots of green tea and good chats, very nice time.  After a trip to a yarn store and a visit with sister’s friend at her art studio and our day was over.

When I got home I changed clothes and Ray and I walked over to do our civic duty and vote in our community.  Then we walked a couple of kilometers to the liquor store for a bottle of wine.  Upon arriving at the little mall where our neighborhood liquor store is, we came upon a young man being robbed/assaulted by another young man.  (by young man I mean possible gang members/drug dealers/drug users) We bypassed that ruckus, told the liquor store staff to call the police and by the time we went to the till to pay, the one guy was pacing around in the store and the other guy was pacing outside of the store.  Idiots.  We live in a really nice neighborhood and these were very yuppy gang wannabee, didn’t get enough cash from mom and dad to pay for my pot debt sorts.

Dinner was stew and a crusty bun, John Wayne is on the TV right now and my book and blanket are calling.

Regarding yesterday’s post about something to work toward, Tarable suggested the Grouse Grind and I think that’s a damn great idea.  My current plan is to do it alone, I want Ray at the top waiting for me (he has no interest in doing it) with a cold beer and a juicy hamburger.  I’m going to wait for a nice spring day (not too hot) and give it a go.  Before Tara made the suggestion though, I did find something that I am interested in and have now already paid for.  It’s a trail running series through Kintec (a technical shoe company).  It’s a 12 week program starting at the beginning of February that runs the trails of Port Moody…and at the end of 12 weeks you are conditioned to run a trail half-marathon.  As I understand it, there is no actual half marathon to complete at the end (not an organized race) but there are lots of them up in North Van over the season that you can sign up for.  Trail running is different than road racing which I have no interest in anymore.  For $119.95 you get the 12 week program…but you also get a pair of running shoes (more than likely a trail pair ) for free.  The shoes are around $120-140 so it’s a pretty decent deal!  The program gives you a technical class at the beginning of each get together and then you do a group training run.  I’ve never done a running group before but I’m up for it, group exercise is a big part of my life right now.  You have to be able to do a 5k pretty easily before this starts so I’m going to have to ease into some running over the winter (treadmill) to get my running legs back.  But……I got what I was looking for, something to train for, look forward to and get up for.  Grouse and Poco Trails.  BRING. IT.

Happy Saturday Evening, I’m off to the sofa! (a picture of a small portion of the grind below and a picture of the adorable hat that my sister made and then graciously gave to me.  It’s a kitten hat.  Teehee)

    

Something To Work Towards

After yesterday’s freakout about the puffy and the weight gain, I drank a boatload of water all day long.  I’m not sure if that’s what my problem is but I have to try all the things that I can first before I really start to freakout.  When I got home last night, I was discussing my off-kilter issues with Ray and he said that he had noticed already the day before that my face was super puffy and he knew I wasn’t feeling well.  OMG, next time you can visually SEE something wrong, honey, maybe mention it to me?!  

 

I’m still not feeling great, I feel retardedly bloated, even the legs of my jeans feel tight.  I actually feel like all the progress that I made since the beginning of October is all gone.  All of it.  My nice 31.5″ waist measurement, the acceptable scale number, my overall better health and wellbeing.  All gone.  And I don’t really understand why.  Obviously stressing about it is just going to make it all even worse, but tell me that you wouldn’t be a little concerned if this was you?

 

I do notice that since yesterday that my excema has started to clear up, it’s no longer insanely painful.  My face is not nearly as puffy as it was yesterday and the day before that.  Those are good signs but it’s hard to tell what the situation really is because of dinner out last night.  We had 6 girls come to the dinner and it was a really great time, we laughed pretty much the whole time, very good for the soul!  My friend and I split a small ham, mushroom, pineapple pizza which was delicious but insanely high in sodium so as I said, it’s hard to tell what the situation really is.  I also drank a lot of red wine last night which doesn’t help with the whole hydration issue at all.

 

Tonight Ray’s mom is taking us out for dinner….Ray wanted fish and chips so I’m frigging screwed.  Or am I?  I’ll be having grilled fish with a salad instead of greasy, salty fish and chips.  Not quite the same thing but better for me at the moment.  My lunch today is supposed to be a WW meal (home late, end of week out of groceries) but I am going to forgo it and its insane sodium content for a Luna Bar, a hard boiled egg and some steamed green beans and baby bok choy.  Tomorrow my mom and my sister and I are going on an outing and then sushi afterwards.  I’ll be packing my own healthy snacks for during the outing and then for lunch I’m going to keep it reasonable and avoid the soy sauce!

 

Now, on to other things.  I was reading a post about how you have to own your goals.  That it’s OK if the goal means something only to you and that the rest of the world can’t necessarily relate/understand.  It got me to thinking that I need a goal.  Something to work towards.  I go to the gym, I work like crazy when I’m there and currently my goal has been to become physically fit.  My goal has also been to make a schedule and then stick to it as much as possible.  Well…….I’ve sort of already achieved “physically fit”, I can do more than I have ever been able to before and I’m sure if I keep going I will keep improving.  It’s an ongoing goal I guess…..there’s no tangible way of knowing when I’ve achieved it, really.  And the sticking to a schedule thing….I’ve proved to myself and learned through the weeks that I can stick to the schedule and I’ve learned what my mind and body require as far as unscheduled rest days.  Goal achieved?

 

I need something to work towards.  A race to train for?  Or a ride?  A personal best goal?  Lately I’ve been feeling like I want to do marathon training again…..only I don’t actually want to do marathon training.  It hurts, running is insanely hard on the body and I really am enjoying being able to exercise and for the most part live the rest of my life not in pain and not attached to ice bags.  The marathon thing though….it’s about training for and then achieving something big.  It’s about a date in the future that all the work is for.  Something to drive me on the days I don’t want to go workout.  Something to fuel the power when I’m feeling weak. 

 

My goals in the past for why I exercise and eat healthy have always been to lose weight.  I guess that’s a good goal to have and I’m going to keep it (especially in light of recent events), but I need something else…..and I don’t know what that would be.  I have a 40km bike ride in May, but that’s not that difficult (I did it last year with little to no training) and Ray is doing it with me this year so it’s not like I can go like crazy, it’ll be more of a partnership ride which I’m looking forward to….but it doesn’t fuel any training.  Road races for cycling generally require a road bicycle, which I don’t have and am not about to go out and buy.  My bike is a hybrid…mountain and street…not racing. 

 

Right now my thought is to give myself a fitness evaluation of some sort.  Pick a starting date and evaluate my cardio and my strength and my flexibility and then pick a date a couple of months down the road and do the same tests again to gauge improvement.  It doesn’t seem like it would be very ‘marathon-y’ but it’s all I’ve got. 

 

Other than that, I’m really lacking something to work towards.  Help……..any SUGGESTIONS?