Voices

A little over 3 years ago I found myself hearing a small voice in the back of my head that kept telling me that the right thing to do was to stop eating grains.  I put it off and tried to repress it and made excuses as to why that little voice was insane.  Eventually though, I had to acknowledge it, really listen to it and then make a decision.  Three years later and I’ve never looked back.  It was absolutely the right thing to do and it changed my life and my relationship with food.

Around two years ago I found myself hearing another small voice that was telling me that cardio (running & spinning) was no longer what I should be focusing on.  Again, I tried to repress it and made excuses as to why I could never follow that little voice and learn my way into lifting heavy things.  Eventually I bought a book (New Rules of Lifting for Women), learned the movements and didn’t look back.  I gained muscle and lost fat and got into pretty decent shape. 

Then life happened, people became injured or sick, jobs were lost, car accidents were experienced and while the foundation of my health, nutrition and fitness beliefs remained the same, my commitment to all the work involved did not.  I wasn’t in the gym, I was eating too much, allowing in “unapproved” foods and drinking too much. So then, coming up on January 2014, I really felt ready to put myself back in the game, to dive back in to the things that make me who I am.  To take back the things that I value.  And I did.  We’re halfway into January and my goals list for this month is coming along great.  We’re eating at the table more often, all the food I’m making is completely approved (by my own guidelines, I don’t label myself as anything), we haven’t eaten out at all and I’ve met my gym dates so far.

And yet?  I’ve been feeling really crappy.  I’m not losing the weight I want to be (or should be), my stomach seems more upset that normal and I’m exhausted.  And all the while that I’ve been trying to figure out the cause and going through foods, carbs, calories, nutrients, macros, blood-iron levels, B12 levels, increased Omega 3 supplements….there’s been a voice.  A niggling little voice that I cannot seem to turn off.  A little voice that keeps saying “you know what you need”.  Ignore.  IGNORE.  IGNORE.  Until yesterday afternoon when that little voice got really loud and I had to acknowledge it.  “You are not getting enough exercise!”.  Yes, I’m meeting my gym dates and I work hard when I’m there.  But previous to October of this year, I also walked my dog between 4-7 kilometers Every Single Day Of The Week at a near-jogging pace.  Unfortunately right now that’s not possible with the darkness, my (& Ray’s) work hours and meal timing.  If I want or need to do anything after work, including something as simple and fast as stopping at the grocery store for an ingredient or two,  I eliminate what little time I had to go on a walk before it’s time to get dinner going and served.  And if I do get to take Gracie for a walk after work, it’s only for about 3km (or less) or 30 minutes.   Not enough.

Since today is the halfway mark of the month, I’m adding in a new goal for the next 15 days to see how it goes.  Starting today, from 7pm – 8pm I will take Gracie for a 4-5km walk, three weeknights and one Sat or Sun morning 4.5km trail walk/jog.  On the short side this will give me 16km and 4 hours of exercise a week.  It’s only for three weeks so I’ll see how it goes, I predict that it is not sustainable over the winter months and I may choose to put an AM spinning class in its place (preparation for bicycle commuting to work, maybe).  I think it’s important to me, my body, my mind and my overall well being to try this. 

This morning when lifting weights, doing pullups and squats, I could see the muscle, it’s still there and coming back more every day……….I really believe I just need to quiet the noise in my body and head in order to start making noticeable progress…..and right now, this is the way to do that.  These “voices” are rarely wrong….even though sometimes I wish they were.  😉

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