Brain Dump

I’ve been feeling a bit distant from my man over the last couple of weeks.  I’m starting to be resentful of his lack of appreciation for all the work and love that I put in for feeding us.  I try not to be because to him it’s just food….but to me it’s a manifestation of the love I have for both of us.  It doesn’t help that I have also been extra tired these last couple of weeks, getting back to a regular rhythm with the gym at 4am, extreme boredom at work, the first 5 day work week in a month, shitty weather, general January blues.  It all spins around and twists us up into a net of unhappiness and I’m ready for that to stop Right Now.

Here’s where I get a little snarky.  There’s a woman who works with Ray, I’ve met her, she’s not my bag.  She’s very loud and in your face and that doesn’t sit well with me.  Regardless, she’s probably a perfectly nice person.  But she’s opted to take some online nutrition course and if I have to hear One More Goddamn Thing that Deanna says about nutrition I’m going to start myself on fire.


Deanna says we should add fat to every meal.  (Oh, WHAAAAT?)

Deanna says two to three servings a day of whole grains is healthy.  (Ya, well she’s wrong.)

Deanna says we should be eating small meals every 2-3 hours.  (Ya, wrong again, have fun with your diabetes.)

Deanna says fdsaioaseo ru ewsa fda szpo  dfsjf (I stopped listening for preservation of my sanity)

This extra adds to my already fragile state of mind surrounding food and cooking right now.  I do not give a whit what some broad in his office decided to believe in and if he says one more time that “but she’s taking a course, it can’t be all wrong” I’m going to set him on fire.  It’s an internet course, more or less based on Conventional Wisdom.  I can take an internet course based on raw veganism, that doesn`t mean that it A) is right for everyone and B) is based in any actual science.

Anyway, I sent Raymond a text today saying that I was feeling that we’d been a bit distant with each other and that tonight after dinner I want to cuddle up on the same couch and listen to music and just be with each other.  It’s a thing we like to do and I think we need it extra right now.  Stupid January blues.

In other news, I did an awesome workout at the gym this morning, 25 Minute Treadmill HIIT and then a lower body weight routine; leg press, ham curls, calf press, squat press (I bonked myself in the head with the weight plate on the first rep of this one…d’oh!) and then abs and stretching.  I am going to replace my third gym workout this week with a 3.5 km run in Mundy Park on Saturday morning.  I kind of want to go to the gym tomorrow because today was pretty awesome…..but that’s an old trap and I can recognize it from a mile away.  It’s wanting everything to be fixed Right Now, it’s wanting to be “that person”, it’s scoffing at recovery.  And it’s not happening.  It’s an important step in my balance seeking to take a step back, know that I did a good job when I was supposed to be there and know that not going every day doesn’t undo all the good.  It’s also an important step in meeting myself where I am, not being so driven to get away from here as quickly as possible.  Where I am now, I am because of some pretty rough times and I have to respect whatever coping I had to do to come out the other side and still be standing.  Can’t be mad or upset about that, really.

And finally, if you’re a Well Fed cook, if you ever make Best Chicken Ever, here’s the ingredients for an AMAZING leftovers salad.


Cubed up Best Chicken

Roast garlic baby potatoes (I would do them the day before)

Put both of these in tinned foil packet and warm in the oven.  Not cooking it again, just warm it up. When it comes out, toss it with:

2 parts Morracan Sauce

1 part Mayo

Toast some walnuts just before you’re ready to take the chicken back out.

For one dinner salad:

Bed of lettuce

Put chicken mixture in the centre and surround it with:

Half an apple, chopped

1 Baby cucumber, sliced

Handful cherry tomatoes, sliced in half

Warm walnuts

Drizzle with Sunshine Sauce thinned with coconut milk and a teeeeeny bit of hot water.  I probably would have topped it with some avocado if I’d had any.

I was stuffed to the gills when I was finished!


That’s it, there’s my brain dump.  A snarky rant, a bit of self-affirmation and a recipe.  Pretty much the contents of my brain on most days.


6 thoughts on “Brain Dump

  1. The parroting of what the chick at work thinks you should be eating would make me lose my MFing shit!!! That was even hard for me to read. I want to smack people!!

    Awesome that you had a good workout. Even better that you recognize you need a recovery day after it. You’re working so hard to make positive change. Keep it up, girl.

  2. OH, Tara, it makes me itchy with rage. It also makes me feel really disrespected because why all of a sudden since some blonde bimbo is telling him what the internet said, is he all interested? Eff off. Seriously.

  3. Blonde bimbo? Ouch. You should talk to your husband about how your feeling under-appreciated, sounds like you’ve got some pent up feelings going on here.

    On the other hand …perhaps your husband just wants to eat some carbs and fat, and thinks this is the way to get you to cook some. My husband did not do well being fed my paleo meals and would cite research to counter the diet often as a way of revolting. As much as I loved preparing us paleo meals, it wasn’t what he valued… and it really wasn’t my job to convince him otherwise. We don’t usually eat the same meals anymore, and it works fine 🙂

    • OK…so “blonde bimbo” was especially harsh, I admit…and am slightly ashamed of myself for.

      And I most definitely DO have some pent up feelings of under appreciation going on and every time I attempt to discuss them with the man, I end up sounding stupid and whiny and then I give up.

      In other news, your comment about the husband wanting to eat carbs and fat was the final puzzle piece that I have been struggling trying to figure out these last 10-12 days…..and I am going to post about it.

      So thank you….thank you very much for taking the time to comment and be honest and for sharing your personal experience. 🙂

  4. Since I don’t have anything nice to say about the new Nutrition Coach in your life, I will say nothing at all.

    What I WILL say is I love that you’re reading the signs and not falling into that whole turn back now or die signal that our frustrating brains send to us when we’re trying to do good things. I more or less said the same thing on Tara’s blog. I might have been more eloquent on hers. If I was, then I blame the story about Deanna. It threw me off.


  5. Pingback: Deficiency! | Fitty vs Fatty

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