OK….so a LOT has happened since I last posted. I think last time I posted I was in Portland. So……I won’t be going back there again. Let me explain.
On the last day of September I had a doctor’s appointment after work. The result of that appointment was that I would be off work effective immediately for up to three weeks. Given the enormous amount of stress and pressure that I was under at my job, the first few days of being “house bound” were really hard. As time went on though and that constant pressure eased off, I began to re-evaluate what was going on and what was to come and I didn’t like the looks of it. Not from a business perspective, not from a human being perspective and certainly not from a health and wellness perspective. And so…..when my three weeks was up I returned to work that Monday morning and resigned my position effective the end of that week.
Now, here we are 18 days after handing in my notice and leaving a job that I spent nearly 14 years at. I received a very nice job offer a short time ago and agreed to come on board with them on November 5th. So now I’m working as a Business Development Co-ordinator at a high voltage electrical engineering firm. The position is much slower than what I had before, the entire company is comprised of 16 people including myself and it’s approximately a 6-9 minute drive from my house. All good things, all the polar opposite of what I had before. I was with a huge international corporation, I was working at an extremely high pace and I used to have at least an hour commute each way. The new company has a casual dress code, new offices (horrid desk set up though, that’ll have to be rectified) and a great sense of teamwork and common vision. The downside is that I do work later into the afternoon (I used to have 7:30-3:30 and now it’s 8-4:30) and for an extra half hour a day. The upside is that it takes me less than 10 minutes to get here so Ray and I are able to have breakfast & a coffee together (that has never happened) and even though I work later, I actually get home at nearly the same time. The downside is that the pay is slightly less for the first 5 months, the upside is that the difference in pay is equivalent to what I was spending on fuel for two hours of traffic every day. The downside is that I go from 4 weeks of holidays to 2, the upside is that I gain back 2 hours into each day that I’m not spending in traffic.
And the True Upside? Without saying too much, I am free of a toxic environment. I’m free of fighting for everything. I’m free of uncertainty and disrespect and low morale. I’m free of ludicrous expectations with no resources or support with which to accomplish them.
Since I took such a huge step in regaining control of my life, I also took some time between the two jobs to take a look at some of the personal issues that have been ongoing or were caused by the distress of the last year (or two or three if I’m to be honest).
Over the last couple of years my mental health changed. After a couple of car accidents as well as questionable and highly erratic behavior from my supervisor and the various “big life change” events that I experienced at work, I have become more jumpy, anxious, uncomfortable, emotional and generally a bit unstable. That has to change and I suspect with this new stability and being treated with general human dignity at work, it’ll come.
I have also put my own health and wellness on the very backburner for at least the last 7-8 months and it was barely a second thought for the last two or three years. I have standards that I had thrown out and it occurred to me that if I was going to make a full life change and quit my job to better my overall life, I’d best grab those standards back and button things down. Gym. Real Food. Limit booze. Water. Eat out less. No sugar.
I want my life back and I’ve taken some huge & somewhat scary steps to get there and to not include a health and wellness aspect of those changes would be a big mistake. I didn’t leave 14 years, and all the familiarity and relative safety that comes with that, behind just to change the place I go to work everyday. I did it to correct large negatives that breed smaller negatives and which all, combined, cause lack of life enjoyment & fulfillment. These large negatives bred many small bad habits that were developed just to get by, to get through and to survive. I’m leaving “survival mode” behind and taking back “living mode”. This is the biggest change I’ve ever made and even though it’s new and different and scary, I had to do it to save myself. And so…..I will go and save myself every day with a shorter commute, with a healthy work environment, with real food, with solid exercise.
So that’s it, my “Full Scale Change”. Well…almost. I have been a firm “anti-scale” girl; I don’t believe it tells the whole story and the story it does tell can be destructive. However. I dusted off my scale and stepped on it yesterday and will do so once a week for the next 5 months. The reason for this? I did some of the wrong things over the last year and because of that I’ve gained about 15 pounds over my ideal, happy weight. It’s not muscle, it’s fat; bad weight. Since I’m steering myself back to real food and solid exercise, I felt that for the next few months, the scale number would be indicative of positive change. When I got rid of my scale, I said “if you’re eating the right foods and doing the right things, the number doesn’t matter” and I completely agree with that and I will definitely go back to that before too long. But I need a little boost of reassurance and the weight scale will give me that….for awhile.
I’ll try, very hard to get back to regular posting….for now I’ll try for once a week. I sincerely hope that everyone else is succeeding in their goals, I look forward to soon getting to a place where I can stay up to date!