Hold ‘Em

Know when to hold ‘em

Know when to fold ‘em

Know when to walk away

Know when to run

You know that song?  Kenny Rogers.  It’s a classic….and it has been on repeat in my head for the last couple of days.  I’ve missed two gym days this week.  I have wasted two days not studying this week.  Two days.  Pshaw…..2 days is nothing.  Two days is easily recovered from, it’s only Wednesday for crying out loud. 

I really think that there should be another line in that song….”know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to gently set ‘em down for a couple of days to allow yourself a break/rest both physically and mentally.”  That doesn’t really “sing” that well though….but it’s true.  There should be a medium between “holding ‘em” and “folding ‘em”.  Maybe it seems silly or petty or overly dramatic that I am still hung up on the fact that, for reasons outside of my control, I will not be able to change careers/industries anytime soon.   In my heart and mind though, it’s not silly or petty, having your dreams dashed never feels good, no matter the reason and I definitely felt it over the last couple of days.  I think any time someone pulls a rug out from under you, you wobble and it takes some time to get centered again.   For that reason I chalk the last couple of days up as “a needed cop-out”.  Now I’m going to close the door on that and move forward.  It’s a fine line between taking a set back, feeling it, dealing with it and moving on, and taking a set back and digging yourself a hole that very hard to get out of.

I was miiiiiserable yesterday.  Absolutely miserable.  I got home and thought I’d let the dog improve my mood.  Sometimes I’ll lay down on the floor at the top of the stairs and she comes and lays down beside me and puts her paws on my head like she’s claiming me and then attempts to lick me in the face/ears….normally makes me giggle like a weirdo, but yesterday she must’ve sensed I wasn’t right because she wouldn’t do it.

I had about an hour to kill before my waxist showed up (that’s just what a girl wants, right?  Getting sensitive bits stripped while extra-crabby!) so I decided to do some food-prep for today.  As I was chopping cabbage and making sauce and hardboiling eggs and putting together lunches I found myself inching back towards my center.  The tirade of rude and hateful comments about myself and others in my head started to ease and shift to more positive statements and I started to feel much better.  I went to bed calm and more centered….even though I knew I wouldn’t be getting up for the gym in the morning.  Why not?  Because while I was feeling better mentally and emotionally, I was/am exhausted.  It’s allergies, Alien Week, disappointment, stress/depression and there was no reason not to allow myself to skip a second gym day and get an extra two hours of sleep.  While guilt is my first reaction anytime I miss the gym, I refuse to allow it this time.  I needed to be in bed more than I needed to be at the gym.  End of discussion.

Today is a gorgeous new day though and as crummy as I felt, I didn’t “fold ‘em”.  I may have soothed myself more than necessary with chocolate and gave a big finger to doing anything I should have been doing….but I didn’t fold. It’s supposed to clear up this afternoon so my gorgeous dog and I are going to take a nice long trail walk after work (green exercise!).  I have an easy, fresh and healthy dinner ready to cook up and I’ll be going to bed early because now that my mind and heart are starting to feel a bit better, my body needs to lift some heavy things!

How do you deal with disappointment?  Do you turn to food?

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