Oh, thank heavens that it’s Friday today. This week has seemed so long, I cannot believe that we only worked 4 days this week! I’ve been just bagged every day after work, no motivation to cook or to study or to sit upright. It’s been bad. However. I have cooked, studied AND stayed up until at least 8:30pm each night and I’ve gone to the gym three mornings this week. Yay me.
Why do I tell you this? Because Oh My God there are a lot of people in the world who completely give up as soon as they feel anything other than rose petals and kitten kisses. Sad? Don’t go to work…& for that matter if you’re sad, keep your kid home from school with you, too. Tired? You can skip school today. A little anxious? Don’t leave the house, you deserve to stay home.
I’ve often commented (in person and on this blog) that people need to stop their bitching, step up and join the rest of the world; that the world is hard for everyone. But I think I’ve been wrong. I don’t think “the rest of the world” really is stepping up and working through pain or discomfort. I’m beginning to think that the majority of people complain and quit….that we who power on and slog through and defy pain are actually a rarity. The unfortunate thing with that is that if you’re not a quitter or a whiner, you probably have very little tolerance for those who are.
One of my co-workers keeps referring to me as a “health nut” and uses the air quotes when she says it. She always follows it up with “I’m not trying to be ruuuuuuude, I think it’s greaaat.”. At first I thought it was funny but as time goes on I’m just getting more and more annoyed by it because she’s making it sound like I’m some fringe wacko who’s eating her grass clippings and hanging upside down to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t be too upset about it, after all this is coming from a woman who told me her breakfast yesterday was four cookies, a Cadbury bar, another giant cookie and then a half a banana and two cherry tomatoes because she’s…haha…on a “health kick”. ?!
Apparantly I’m a “health nut” because I care what goes into my body, I read old and new science to better educate myself, I balance exercising my body with rest and couch time and overall, taking care of myself inside and out is up there on the priority list. So……if I’m a health nut, what is the alternative? I’ll be honest, I’ve been the alternative. I’ve spent years wasting away while blimping up. I’ve spent years hating myself, not because I was fat but because that fat was the visual reminder that I was disrespecting myself every moment of every day. I’ve spent years ignoring myself; living in my body but pretending I wasn’t there. I spent years consuming absolutely massive amounts of shit food to keep people away, to numb myself or to make myself feel better. I’d buried my head so far into the sand that all that was left was my toes. I lied and cheated and shamed myself. I did things specifically to hurt myself so that I could feel something.
You know what? Forget it, I’m not annoyed anymore. If she wants to refer to me as a Health Nut, I’ll take it. I will take it and celebrate it and cherish it. I will take Health Nut to the gym at 4am and on Saturday mornings. I will take Health Nut when I turn down treats and sweets and alcohol. I will take Health Nut every day in every way because the alternative is terrifying and dark and tragically sad.