Morning! It’s been such an odd weekend, feels like I had lots of days off but at the same time it flew by! Unfortunately I blew off the gym this morning (was supposed to be rowing & stretching) because I laid awake and tossed and turned all night. When my alarm went off I felt like I would benefit more from an extra hour of sleep more than I would from rowing. However, I did not sleep for that hour, I tossed and turned and got repeatedly kicked in the back by the dog after Ray let her into our bed. So….failed this morning on the effort, but nothing I can change now.
This weekend was busy, I went to the gym Saturday morning (did not make my speed or distance goal on the treadmill….and was actually SO far off that I think my calculations from the weekend before were wonky) and then came home, wolfed down breakfast and we went to a meeting for a couple hours and then went and bought fence repair supplies. Ray and his son worked on the fence (after we dropped a 150lb fence panel on my ankle) while I took Grace and my sunglasses and went for a good brisk walk. It felt so good to be in the cold sunshine, like it was rinsing away any bad thoughts or toxicity. Very refreshing! We ended up going 6.2km and when we got home, laid under a heap of blankets to warm back up!
Sunday we did groceries and errands and then cleaned our house before starting dinner and taking the dog for another good walk.
I made a pork roast for dinner last night with mashed cauli & slow cooked kale. Earlier in the day I roasted a whole head of garlic in the oven and then squeezed that into the cauliflower before mashing it for something different. Very strong smelling of garlic but the flavor of roasted garlic is so mile that it was delicious. The slow roasted kale was alright, more effort than result but something a bit different.
I mentioned after we’d eaten dinner that I feel like I’ve come to a spot where I don’t really find food that enjoyable anymore. Ray’s first comment was “Wow, well that’s really sad!”. In a way it is, but if you consider the reaction that people have when they eat a butter tart or a big thick slice of moist chocolate cake covered in fudgey icing, I don’t get that anymore. Nothing I eat causes that reaction in my brain (which I think is probably good). As we all know (or should know by now), chocolate and sugar/fat combos release a feel-good reaction in the brain which is short lived and addictive. It’s not that I don’t think that food tastes good, just that…….it’s just food. It’s meat, two veggies and a fat (or cooked in fat). Pork roast and cooked kale aren’t giving me the same reaction that greasy, cheesy pizza would.
While maybe it’s sad that I don’t get that sort of enjoyment out of food anymore, I have something else instead. I have a content feeling when I know I’m eating fresh, whole, nutritious foods that taste good. I have a proud feeling when I can incorporate a “super food” into the menu. That’s all I get from food these days though. Fuel and nutrition. It’s a bit sad, I guess. But I suspect it’s where we’re supposed to be. My feel good hormones come from exercise and fresh air and sex instead of cookies, chips and pizza. I don’t think about food constantly anymore, I just eat it when I’m hungry. Granted, I do spend about an hour every Sunday making a menu & checking recipes before doing our weekly shop, but once it’s on the menu and the ingredients are bought, I don’t really think about it again until it’s time to cook it.
Now that I have less enjoyment wrapped up in the food I eat, am I happier overall? I would have to say I am. Because less obsession with the food means less clutter in my head, there is no should I or shouldn’t I or negotiating with myself over what or how much to eat. Because I don’t create artificial reactions in my brain with chemically enhanced foods designed to foster addiction, I am clear to feel good more often, to get genuine reactions to stimuli and to feel other emotions related to food (pride, conviction, satisfaction). And because I don’t have to worry about calories in vs calories out or how much I have to burn at the gym to make up for a meal since I’m eating real whole foods, maintaining my healthy weight is virtually mindless. And that makes me very happy overall!