Nostalgia & Deprivation

The two are completely related for me right now! Driving home yesterday I was overcome with nostalgia and all I could think about was the “good old days” when my mom, my sister and I lived up north and would go to McDonald’s for egg nog milkshakes during December. The memory is obviously a bit warped, my mom was a single parent struggling to work full time, go to school and run the house. My sister and I would fight endlessly all year long and then have a month long cease-fire in December. It seems like “good old days” in my head when driving in the dark and rain on my way home from my responsible job to my responsible relationship where I care for our house/nutrition/happiness in a responsible fashion. Nothing so fun as egg nog milkshakes while living up north! LOL!

So yesterday afternoon we also found out that Ray is working nights for what will ultimately have been 5 weeks in a row. Which sucks quite a bit and does nothing for making either of us feel festive or content. So we created our own new until-the-end-of-December tradition. Short caesars when I get home from work. We’ve done it a couple evenings in a row and it sure sets us up for a nice evening until he has to go to work. It got me to thinking about how, down the road, I’ll chalk post-work-caeasars up in my head as “good old days” when in fact it’s just something that we’re doing in a crummy situation to put a nicer spin on it.

Anyway, after the eggnog milkshake set up camp in my head, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. After dinner last night we went out for some quick Cmas shopping and on the way home drove past…..McDonald’s. I immediately told Ray about my eggnog reminiscing and we pulled in. Unfortunately the eggnog milkshake is long gone and has been replaced with a Ginger Frost milkshake. Tastes like liquidy gingerbread and was almost too sweet to drink. Happily, although the flavor was completely different than what I was wishing for, it had the same chemical-fake taste that the one in my childhood had, so I was happy. Haha

I was telling my friend yesterday that since I went on Weight Watchers in September 2007 up until I went grain free and then the year that I’ve been grain free until now, I have never, EVER felt like I was deprived. Granted, I’ve eaten some questionable things over the last 52 months, but I’ve never felt like I was missing out overall. The sugar embargo that I’ve got myself on is making me feel horrible. This is the first year we’ve done Christmas properly, it’s the first year at our house, the first year in many that any of our families are doing a gift exchange. In all, this is a very Christmassy Christmas overall and to not be able to have even the snippet of a treat or festive sweet is actually altering my enjoyment of the holiday. And so, there was a ginger milkshake last night. And it was nice! I only had about half of it because it became sickeningly sweet, but it was a festive treat and yes, it improved my festive mood, did a nice thing for our relationship to enjoy a treat together and made us both feel good. I realized that sugar free is great, it makes me feel better and look better and perform better……but there is no value to any of that if I feel ripped off all the time. Moderation really is the key! So I killed my deprivation last night in a calculated maneuver that actually meant something. Not sneaking chocolate in the dark, but doing something fun and delicious.

We’re headed to Costco after work tonight, tomorrow is more errands for the holidays and a dinner date just the two of us (Ray’s mom is busy, YAY!) and then Saturday we’re having our wrapping party which we’re both really looking forward to!

Happy Holidays. I’ll leave you with some nostalgia….pics of some ornaments on my tree, one of which I’ve had since I was born.