First thing, before I go anywhere, my dear friend Tara wrote a post yesterday that you all deserve to read. She’s found that place where healthy living aspirations balance with the reality of life. The place where “normal” people live. I have to admit that I have not yet found that place. I teeter on the edge of it from time to time but have not had the catalyst to push me fully into it. Go read. Click HERE!
While driving to work this morning (where all good thinking comes from….that and the shower) I was thinking quite a bit about her post and numbers. For whatever reason, every for the last three years I have marked down my weight. Maybe because spring is a time of trying to drop a little winter weight and I’ve marked down my starting? Who knows. But I’ve been thinking about it a lot in the last few days.
March 2009 ~ 173.2
March 2010 ~ 175
March 2011 ~ 176
March 2012 ~ 174.4
My average March weight is 174.6 pounds. There have been ups and downs within those calendar years, nothing major, no different pant sizes, most of my clothes fit at one time or another. So if, after FOUR YEARS of healthy living, consistent exercise, conscientious eating while still enjoying life, I am pretty much exactly where I started out, shouldn’t that tell me something? Is that, perhaps, a clue that the weight I am now is my body’s set point? Furthermore, from the beginning of February when I started grain free to this very morning, I have changed in weight 2.2 pounds. The biggest swing I’ve had was from my start weight to my lowest this year and that difference is only 5.4 pounds (176.6 when I started, low weight 171.2). I have to chalk that swing up to standard ups and downs across time. Considering that I have counted calories, counted points, not counted anything, drank wine daily for several weeks, drank absolutely nothing but water or tea, given up all grains and eaten oodles of fat; I’ve done all of this and my body weight has not changed considerably, I have to believe this is where I’m meant to be. The trouble is that this is not where I want to be and that pits a dream against reality. Realistically which one is going to win?
Every fibre of my being wants to throw my scale out and trust myself and my body that I can fly solo and find that balance between that drive for continuous improvement and the reality of living life comfortably. I just…….can’t do it yet.
So, I will keep on keeping on, striving for continuous improvement, pushing heavy weights, getting a little more cardio in (because apparantly now my body WANTS to jog….it didn’t 2 months ago!) and staying grain, chemical/preservative, dairy free. But I’m also going to start trying to embrace the idea that while I might see small changes in my body composition, at this point in my life, with the time and effort that I am willing to contribute, this is where I’ll be.
Never stop trying to become a better version of myself……..but maybe remembering to do so within the contraints of reality. Less disappointing that way!
Go read Tara’s article, it’ll be worth your time, I promise!