I am in a haze this morning. A red, stinging eyed, headachy, cold sore (sonofabitch!) haze. I did not expect this to be as bad as it’s been. Obviously I knew that Ray and Kyle would both be quite upset and the actual event was four grown adults sobbing in each other’s arms. But the following two days have been absolutely brutal. Ray didn’t think it would be as bad as it’s been for him either, however in thinking more about it yesterday….he’s had a dog in his house for 37 years. Brandy is also the last tie to his original family being together before his marriage broke up. When Ray’s ex wife left, Brandy instantly became his, never left his side. She eased his transition into the next phase of his life. She’s also the last dog we’re going to have (more on that later). So there’s quite a bit to be sad about, no doubt.
Tonight is my first weights night at the gym…..it’s also Ray’s first day coming home from work and not having Brandy there. He’s asked that I keep with my gym plan, he wants to be home alone for awhile and “blubber in privacy”, so that’s what I’ll do. Plus, while this (and the fact that my car wouldn’t start this morning) would have been a great excuse not to go to the gym and start something new, that doesn’t gain me any success. Ray will be fine, crying never killed anyone. And while I’m nervous/intimidated by starting this new program, putting it off until another day won’t eliminate or reduce those feelings. Both feet….aaaaand….jump!
Among the sad bits there have also been other things going on in the last couple of days. Friday night was a Costco run and then we stopped and got me some Thai food and then stopped and picked up chinese food for Ray. Well…..that was a bust. What I ordered was prawns and veggies in a coconut cream sauce. What I got was some sick looking miniature prawns and a bunch of green peppers (I can’t eat gr peppers) in an insanely greasy, stupidly spicy clear sauce. I don’t mind fat….when it has a purpose. This was just retarded. I put the whole works into the sink (possibly in a fit of rage) and made myself a big salad for dinner. Waste of $14. I think what happened (besides the questionable veg and prawns) was that they forgot to mix in the coconut milk….which would have creamed up the sauce and cut the spice. Whatever….won’t be doing that again.
Saturday morning I did our groceries first thing in the morning since I figured after we’d gone to the vet in the afternoon, neither of us would feel like doing errands. I also stopped by the mall and picked up a very cute dress that I’m very excited to wear….just not sure to what. The rest of Saturday was spent on the floor with Brandy; Kyle and Judy (ex wife) came over a couple of hours before the appt. It was good for Ray, they rehashed fun memories of all the dogs and cats that they’d had, we all cried together and then it was time.
And….skip to Sunday, the rest of Saturday was horrible doesn’t bear discussion.
Sunday morning we decided to go out for breakfast just to escape the eerie quiet of our house. Bacon & mushroom omelette – no cheese for me and a waffle and sausages for Ray. Very yummy and filling; in fact it was our only meal of the day until 7pm when we ate dinner. We also went to the local Volkswagen dealership on Sunday afternoon and test drove the new Jetta. Given my troubles with my car this morning, that candy apple white Jetta sedan is looking pretty damn good! When we got home I made a paleo cabbage roll recipe that I found online. I used savoy cabbage (the wrinkly one) because the leaves come away from the head so much easier. I also did a mix of pork and beef instead of just beef because I find that straight ground beef can be a bit heavy. The meat, two cups of minced spinach, half a red onion minced, a gala apple finely chopped, some paprika and garlic and one egg made up the filling. It made 16 small cabbage rolls which I poured a home made tomato sauce over and then baked. They were pretty good, maybe a bit underseasoned which seems to be a pervasive problem with recipes that I find online. However, they were easy to make and they make lots so it’ll definitely be a do-over recipe.
Today, as mentioned, is the first day of my new weight lifting program. I really wish I was in a better frame of mind to start it because I know it’s going to frustrate me the first couple of times. I don’t like not being adept at things and especially so when I’m wearing tight fitting clothes and there are lots of mirrors and other people around. A throw-back to being way overweight and self conscious. Not that it matters (except it sort of does), but this weekend I hit a new low weight mark for me in the recent past and that goes a long way to making me feel a bit more confident about myself in going into a program alone and unsure.
Wish me luck….and Ray as well, getting home from work for the first time with no dog to greet him. It’s going to be rough.