Forgive me for my absence these last couple of days however I’ve been a bit unsettled and having a hard time getting my thoughts in line.
Remember about a month and a half ago I realized that my body was asking (or begging) for me to modify my diet and eliminate grains. The results from this change have been huge. It’s been a bit of a struggle sometimes in staying the course since “the course” is different than anything I’ve ever done before and is, in fact, the opposite of what conventional wisdom and our medical and government preaches. The benefits to me though have been amazing and I continue to discover new (and wonderful) benefits of eating in this way…more on that later.
So 5 years ago I listened to my body when it screamed out that right then, right in that moment was the time to make the change from being a depressive binge eater, pack a day smoker, inactive fat woman to being healthy and responsible and to taking care of myself. Complete success. Then a month and a half ago I listened to my body when, over time, it was quietly asking for me to remove grains. Complete success and ongoing. And now I would be insane not to listen to my body when it’s telling me that what I’m doing for exercise needs to change. Completely.
Way back when I was at the lowest point of my seemingly endless pit of depression and bingeing I used to dream of running. I used to have these super vivid dreams of bounding effortlessly down the road, jogging, light as a feather on trails and pathways and beaches. I was always so upset when I woke up and realized that I was still 260+ pounds and completely unable to recreate that in my life. Until, later on after some changes were made, I realized that I could learn to jog and I could make those dreams a reality. It was beautiful. I would eventually run in the rain, in the wind, in the heat and blazing sunshine. In the morning or the night, even with bad colds and stomach flus. Off I would run. And because it’s what my body wanted and needed I saw excellent results in my physical self and with my mental state and my emotions. Eventually I burned out….well…..I got injured and had to stop running for three months and when I wasn’t injured any longer I just couldn’t get back into it like I once had.
Enter spinning. For the last year and a bit I have been dedicated to spinning, I have gone at 6am, 9pm, on weekends and holidays, every single day through Christmas, in snow storms and ridiculous heat outdoors. As the weather improves, I have integrated trail running into my exercise routine for some variation and cross training. And I’ve signed up for a 10k in April.
Here’s the problem. Ever since I eliminated grains, my body has put up a resistance to spinning and jogging. For one thing, my breathing is shit. My legs and my body have all the endurance in the world but my cardiovascular system reaches its limit way before my muscular system does. This is probably the result of my body not yet having adjusted to less carbs in my diet. For the second thing, every time I go out to spin or jog I feel like there is this little voice in the back of my head saying “This isn’t what I want, this isn’t what we should be doing.”. Don’t get me wrong, at the end of a spin class or a good trail run I’m glad that I did it, good hard exercise always feels like an accomplishment. But it’s not quite right.
So………like back when I used to dream about running…………I have been having dreams about weight lifting, kettle balls and the like. And so, that little voice that isn’t into cardio anymore and the random dreams about pushing weights…..they cannot be ignored. I need to make a new plan that involves maybe one day of cardio a week because it is important for my heart health…..and then devise a weight routine. I need to see where this will take me. Because right now I believe I’ve gone as far as I can go doing what I’m doing now. Time to shake things up! I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared about making this change……..it’s way away from what I’m used to. But then, so was grain-free and that’s turned out great!