Remission

I really love food.  I don’t think that’s ever going to change.  I’m a texture-eater and an emotional eater and I get ‘stuck’ on things and will make them and eat them endlessly until I never want to see another *whatever* again.  This can sometimes last for months.  It would probably last forever on certain things if I didn’t put a conscious stop to it (lindt chocolates, for instance).  I also have food anxiety regari
 
I doubt I will ever change.  Sure, my body no longer looks like someone who eats emotionally or to excess so it’s difficult to discuss it or write about it because lots of people assume that if you’ve gotten the weight off and kept it off for a long time (years, I mean), you must be cured of all your past bad habits and food perversions.  I’m not cured, I’m in remission.
 
I’ve always been a big proponent of working within your limitations.  I don’t mean not pushing yourself to improve, I just mean that after self reflection and maybe even a conscious effort to make a change, that there are things that we just need to accept are a part of who we are and do the best we can within those guidelines.  For me, as for many, many people, I can try to pretend that I’m not geared to comfort myself with food and I can resist that urge as long as possible but when the shit really starts to stink, I am who I am and I do what I do.  So I have to learn to be honest about my limitations and work within them in order to not go completely off the rails.
 
I’m not entirely sure how to do that yet….but I think a big part of it is making sure that I am satisfied with what I’m eating every day.  If I enjoy the recipes that I’m making which are healthy and flavourful and nutrient dense, I should be less likely to feel like I deserve to eat ‘delicious things’ because I’m feeling bad.  If the delicious things are all healthy and good anyway, in theory I should be able to emotionally eat them all I want when I’m feeling bad.  I don’t think anyone ever binged on hard boiled eggs, baked kale or carrot juice and even if they did, the benefits would outweigh the negative, right?
 
I’m sure some people would say that instead of working the occassional bout of emotional eating, texture-driven eating, rage-eating or any other sort of non-hunger based eating into my life, I should try to eliminate it altogether.  Fair enough.  But while a person is attempting to do that, shouldn’t they wisely have a plan in place for the interim?
 
I’m not saying that baked eggs and spinach curry is going to be the end all to my emotional needs when life goes really wrong……..I’m just guessing (hoping?) that I can derive enough comfort from healthier alternatives rather than going and buying $18 worth of Lindt balls and eating them all in one sitting.
 
In other news, I’m going to buy a Magic Bullet after work tonight……..I’m excited to try different versions of smoothied fruits and veggies.  Like apples blended with peanut butter and almond milk for instance.  Or spinach, banana and chocolate almond milk.  Or about a billion other versions of healthful and delicious!
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2 thoughts on “Remission

  1. Cheers to emotional eaters. *sigh. It’s hard to overcome that blind craving that just takes over every thought you have. The texture plays into it, I can go through binges where I am just looking for that right “thing”, creamy, cold, hot, gooey, crunchy, salty or whatever. If I am wrong about the thing, I just keep rolling through choices until I find the right one. Of course, then there are the days I tell myself to shut up, drink a class of water, and I actually listen to me.

  2. I love that you get the texture thing. And it doesn’t have to be unhealthy…..I’ve gotten hooked on the texture of chickpeas and right now I’m stuck on hard boiled eggs. Of course a lot of the time it is unhealthy. 😉

    I mostly tell myself to give it a rest too, it’s that 2% of the time that just kills me! So not only do I do the bad-eating thing, but I then get to harass myself about it indefinitely. Super!

    Thanks for understanding……

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