OK, Honesty Day Two.  I actually feel better today, more in control, if only for the reason that I admitted that I’m falible and that life isn’t all sunshine and kitten kisses all the time.  It makes it easier to work hard and do what needs to be done when you aren’t lying to yourself about how things should be.

Back on January 13th I wrote a post and declared that I wanted to lose 3 pounds by the end of the month and that I wasn’t going to step foot on the scale for those 3 weeks.  Last Wednesday morning I got on the scale to see how I was doing and I found that not only hadn’t I lost three pounds, I’d actually gained 0.2.  Given that 0.2 can be a cup of tea, it’s the equivilant of absolutely nothing having changed.  It was a big part of my downward spiral last week.  Why work so hard only to have nothing change?  The problem with that thinking is that I wasn’t being honest about what I did in that three weeks.  In looking back?  It is more than obvious that I didn’t lose 3 pounds….and I’m actually pretty lucky I didn’t gain anything to speak of.

Apparantly I thought that simply by nature of being me, I could achieve whatever I dreamt up.  That the mere action of creating a goal was enough to achieve the goal.  After all, I put a bunch of thought into it, doesn’t that count?  No?  Well shit!

I’m not saying I did nothing, I did go to spinning….a few times.  I also drank a handful of times, made and ate an entire oat cinnamon cake in a weekend, went out for appies and beer, made and ate chicken wings and fries for dinner one night.  It’s not horrible, not by any stretch.  Actually it makes me kind of happy….you see, I exercised when I wanted to and ate and drank as I pleased….and I maintained my weight.  Super!  Unfortunately that isn’t what the goal was.

Back when I lost all the weight in 2007/2008, I worked hard, it was a struggle.  But it didn’t take very long….and 5 years later my memory of it was that it wasn’t that hard.  So my Present Self apparantly decides that two days of eating salad for lunch and a spinning class on Saturday morning is plenty of effort to achieve a small goal such as a 3 pound loss over three weeks.  Riiiight.  My Present Self also apparantly thought that it should not experience any sacrifice or hardship related to achieving that goal.  Okaaaay.

Present Self got an awakening in the last couple of days……..and is now back to Sweat + Sacrifice = Success.

My final result over the three week 3 pound period was a loss of 0.8 pounds.  Since that time period is over, I need a new timeline and a new goal.  And I have one….but I’m going to keep it to myself for a little while.  Seems that I do better with just getting on with it than with talking about it.  I’ll share it in the coming days (honesty and all), I just want to get a few days behind me first.



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