Try Harder

I don’t often find myself in situations where I am actively failing…mostly because I’m careful to not undertake things I know that I won’t be able to do.  Not to say that I only do the easy things, I definitely don’t.  But I do make certain assessments and make sure that the timing and effort involved are within my current and future abilities.
Right now I find myself in a position where I can’t win.  I’m not failing, perse….not as I define it, but I can’t win.  It’s sort of a new position for me to be in where my word, my knowledge, my experience count for nothing, are constantly questioned and often disregarded.  Why am I telling you this?  Because the only answer I can come up with as to how to deal with this new set of circumstances is to apply the motto that I employ in other areas of my life.
Try.  Harder. 
If one thing doesn’t work, try something else.  If that doesn’t work, take a moment to reassess and make a new plan.  Tweak as you go along.  Watch, listen and learn yourself and others.  Give more, be more.
I realize that may sound disgustingly positive and sunshine-up-your-arse, and I sort of agree with that.  But it’s all I have.  It’s the only option I have.  Make it work, try harder, find a way.  Because what are my other options?  Opt out of life?  Fail?  Give up?  Submit?  Um, no thanks.
I also realize that it might sound borderline disordered insomuch as there comes a time when you’ve given all you have, when you have been squeezed dry of everything that makes you who you are, when the battle is kicking your ass , when it becomes obvious that it’s time to admit defeat and move on.  You can’t win everything. 
I think it’s intuitive, that you sort of just know whether you have more left in you or not.  Right now, I’m not done yet.  Maybe soon, maybe never….but right now, I still have some kick left in me.
In other news, I’m trying out a new type of spinning tonight.  Normally I do Les Mills RPM which is an interval style indoor cycling class, they have a certain routine that they follow, I’ve been going long enough now that I know exactly what to expect at what stage and how hard (or not hard) to be pushing at different stages because I know what’s coming.  Tonight I’m going to try something different, it’s called All Terrain and I have no idea what to expect or how hard to ride out of the gate.  Should be interesting.
I’m doing regular RPM on Thursday night and again at 6am on Friday morning (I have Friday off, yay!).  Friday I have a lovely little personal day all planned out that involves such things as a morning steam, boozy coffee, butter chicken, a warm wax soak and my book.  Friday is what is keeping me motivated to hit the gym for the next three classes and it’s what’s keeping me shiny side up at the moment (a little motorcycling reference for you).
And finally….a funny.  When I got home today, a little under the weather, mood wise, Ray came and gave me a big hug.  The following conversation ensued:
S: I feel like a whale
R: Oh?  What got into you?
S: Whales don’t go to the gym.
R:  But you DO go to the gym.
S: What’s your point?
R: Well, I guess you’re more like Free Willy!
I didn’t know whether to laugh or smack him… I laughed.  🙂

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