Well, this weekend didn’t turn out at all like I’d planned and to be honest I’m a bit bummed about it. I packed my gym bag on Friday night, didn’t drink and went to bed early. 7am my alarm went off and three minutes later I was back in bed. We got 5″ of snow overnight and I stood and watched out my front window while the neighbor’s husband attempted to push her car off of our street. We have the barest amount of incline in our cul de sac and without a 4WD or chains it is impossible to get going enough to make it up the bump. Since I had no intention of shovelling my driveway by myself at 7am or digging myself off the street, I didn’t get to go to spinning. In an effort to make myself feel better, I took us out for a nice quiet breakfast. It was quite delicious but unfortunately started off a weekend of non-mindful eating. As though I’d lost my mind, actually. I’m feeling like a complete fraud right now. My overall outside is healthy and attractive looking but my inside is stale and poisoned right now.
We did go for a 5km trail walk yesterday afternoon which was….well…..it just was. It wasn’t great. It was not what I wanted. I mean…it was, but nothing is feeling very shiny at the moment, I feel like I’m having to really put forth a lot of effort to squeeze the positive, shiny bits out of things and I just don’t have the energy for it at the moment.
My girl is coming over after work to give me a wax and then there is a half hour spin class at 6:45. I really, REALLY want to go, I really, REALLY want to not have any excuse or reason for not going. But I fear that given a miniscule opening, I’m going to take it and stay home and that is just going to build on the bad feelings I’m having right now.
I need to do all the things that I tell people to do…..do the next right thing, make “it” more important than anything else, push through because that’s the only way to get through.
So I have to push through and find my invincible summer in the midst of this patch of dark winter. Because the other option is giving up and I am NOT a quitter. I just have to find a way to be stronger than I feel at the moment.