No Heart

I’d have to say that so far 2012 has been equal parts good and crappy….but that’s pretty standard, I think?  The last part of this past week has been very difficult, unfortunately I can’t really detail the how’s and whys, but suffice it to say, life is a struggle right now. I came home Friday after a particularly bad day and attempted to burrow under the covers indefinitely. That worked for about 2 hours until Ray came home from dinner with his mom, ripped the covers off of me and declared that it was time to get up, Right Now. He made me a grilled cheese sandwich and snuggled the stuffing out of me all night. Very unusual behavior for that man but much appreciated!  Before I went to bed last night I waffled up and down and forward and back about whether or not I would go to spinning this morning. January 7 was my original “back to it” date but after the shakeup of the day I wasn’t so sure I could pull it off. I made the decision though that I said January 7th and I’m not sick or injured so off I went this morning.

I’m glad I went but the workout was not great. I had no heart in it, no spark, no drive. The guy beside me kept staring at me and during that staring he was also blowing massive amounts of sweat on me, I was a little concerned about my workout top chafing my still healing tattoo, my mind kept being dragged back to yesterday’s issues and sweaty-staring man kept belting out curse words every time the tracks ended. Needless to say, the workout wasn’t great but it served its purpose, I persevered in getting there regardless of the overwhelming urge to sleep until next Thursday so I’m counting it as a success…..plus, even when you can’t get your game on during spinning, it’s still a serious workout.

I came home to my favorite visitor, Ray’s ex wife’s dog, George. I love George and his warm, furry snugly-ness was just what I needed.

I have other posts in my head, a new and interesting 30 day food challenge, a rundown on the organizing I’ve been doing in my kitchen (nothing has been thrown out in 10 years since Ray got divorced and I’ve had enough so I’ve been chucking shit left and right), a revision to my marathon plan brought about because of recent events…but I’m almost more excited about the new plan anyway, and finally the difference between defending yourself and making excuses.   Unfortunately my heart just isn’t into writing about any of it, I’m too distracted and fuzzy in the head so it’ll all have to wait awhile. Maybe a good sleep in tomorrow and I’ll be good to go. I hope so because I have shit I need to do…..write up a fitness plan for January now that the gym schedule is updated, find an abs program to incorporate with my stretching routine, start said stretching routine?…you know, stuff that makes me feel good.

Anyway, for now I’m going to sit on the sofa and watch Pirates of the Carribean with the man I love, let him take care of me a little and reset my equilibrium.

See you later.

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3 thoughts on “No Heart

  1. Nothing is more of a success than when you drag yourself to a workout when every fiber of your being is telling you to go back and hide under the covers. We’ve all been there, only the strong get up and make it to the workout of choice. Kudos on being one of the strong. And here’s hoping you have spent all the bad days 2012 had in store for you.

  2. Thank you for that comment……it’s hard to remember that we are the strong when we feel nothing but weak and defeated. I guess the strength is in the doing when the ordinary person would give in. I don’t want to be ordinary…….

    Thanks! (also I’m slightly emotional these past couple days and your nice comment made me cry….in a good way.)

  3. When I’m out running and my run is sucking – I feel heavy and tired and my legs don’t want to go, my initial reaction is to want to give up, my secondary reaction is to be pissed off and frustrated with myself. What I’ve learned though, is that you have to get through the tough workouts to get to the good ones (as you know). The crappy workouts (whatever the reason) are what make the good ones. So the shit hole, feel-rotten times are necessary to guage and enjoy the good ones. That’s just what helps me get to/through them.

    I’ve also thought to myself before – The victory was not in the speed, agility or endurance, but in the fact that I did it.

    Really glad to hear that in times of trouble, you’ve got some support and lovin’.

    Also – WTF is with Creepy Creeperson staring you down and blowing sweat on you??? What is wrong with people?!

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