I’m totally conflicted right now. I’m totally in my groove as far as food and exercise. To be honest, it doesn’t get much tighter or energized or positive than I am right now. And yet? This morning when I stood on the scale, I’m back up to 177 pounds. I was 173 this time last week (and it’s not TOM). The really weird thing is that my waist measurement is back down to 31.5″ which it was when I was at 171 pounds. Now…..don’t go and tell me that I must’ve put on muscle. I probably have, there is no flab left in my legs and my butt is fairly firm. But I did not put on 8 pounds of muscle since the beginning of October. I’m really not sure where to go from here. Obviously I just keep on keeping on….but what do I do with the mental chatter? I’m usually always trying to lose a couple pounds….because even if I don’t lose or don’t have it to lose, the effort of the try means I won’t gain. But I did just gain….but I’m not really noticing the gain. I’m confused.

On to other things. Last night as I was leaving work to head for the gym and Body Combat, I realized that I just didn’t have it in me mentally to race through traffic and arrive at the gym by the skin of my teeth and then do an hour long class of something that I’m not good at. Instead I decided that I would go for a treadmill jog. I needed the easier mental aspect and I figured that I need to still be jogging occassionally so that I’m gearing up for my February Trail Running classes. Last time I jogged I sucked pretty hard at it so this time I decided to find a moderate pace on the treadmill and go for only 30 minutes. However far I made it in 30 minutes would be good enough. And? It was great! I think because I was in a positive mental space and because I didn’t put a tonne of pressure on myself to go a certain distance or a certain speed, I felt great at the end. I ended up jogging for 32 minutes and made it 2.5 miles (4km). I had a 12:00 mile….definitely not my fastest, I used to be able to do a 5k in under 35 minutes and at the rate I was going it would have taken me 40 to do 5k. But that wasn’t the point. I jogged the whole thing, no walking breaks.

Part of me laughed after I was finished. I walked back to the change room past the Combat class that was going on and the first thought in my head was ‘You suck, you copped out and took the easy way out!’. And then I laughed. Jogging for 30 minutes is the easy way? LOL! It was and it wasn’t. It was familiar and I was alone and safe to suck or succeed, whichever it was going to be, but it was different muscles and static cardio which brings about different breathing. I still remember quite vividly that there was a time not so long ago that walking for 30 minutes at a brisk pace without slowing required some serious mental chatter and fortitude. It’s amazing to me how things can change…….I never, ever would have thought a 30 minute jog would be the easiest way out. Never.

I went spinning this morning (even though, after I saw the gain on the scale I wanted to call it off and go back to bed, after all, what’s the point of busting my ass if I’m putting ON weight?) and worked it hard. Tomorrow night is Valerie’s last spinning class. 😦 I like the girl who is taking over Wednesday nights (same girl as Tuesday mornings) so it should be alright…..but I’ll definitely miss my favourite instructor!

Breakfast this morning was a cup of Shredded Wheat w/ Bran and almond milk and a banana. Post spin was protein powder w/ water and a banana. Snack at work was some butternut squash with a hard boiled egg cut up in it and a mandarin orange. Second snack will be an apple and a slice of ham (not processed, the real deal). Lunch is the sweet potato stew (vegan, btw) w/ 2 ounces of cooked ground turkey. Third snack will be another apple w/ another hard boiled egg. And dinner tonight is NY striploin, roasted squash and steamed green beans. That’s a total calorie intake of 1545 (780 from fruit/veg, 610 from protein). And my burn today was 600. HOW AM I GAINING WEIGHT???????

OK, now that I’ve gotten that out of my system.

Have a great day! My love list today is me. I love me. Narcissistic? Perhaps….but shouldn’t we love ourselves? (also I’m lazy and don’t feel like dreaming up a list. 😉


2 thoughts on “Confused!

  1. I’m totally stumped on your gain. Something about that isn’t right.

    Hey! Is your scale broken? It’s the only logical reason!

    Not sure if I’ve ever mentioned it but every time I read your posts about exercise it gives me a kick in the butt and totally inspires me to want to do more or at the very least to keep going.

    Also wanted to say that I like that you recognized that you weren’t up for body combat but instead of going home and taking it easy, you did a modified workout. How awesome is that? You should feel proud of yourself.

    • Thanks Tara, that was very nice! I’m glad that I kick you in the butt….because a lot of the time I see your tweets about your jog and I am so proud of you and motivated to pack a gym bag at the same time.

      Also, no, my scale is not broken….but it will be soon if this keeps up! 😉

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