After yesterday’s freakout about the puffy and the weight gain, I drank a boatload of water all day long. I’m not sure if that’s what my problem is but I have to try all the things that I can first before I really start to freakout. When I got home last night, I was discussing my off-kilter issues with Ray and he said that he had noticed already the day before that my face was super puffy and he knew I wasn’t feeling well. OMG, next time you can visually SEE something wrong, honey, maybe mention it to me?!
I’m still not feeling great, I feel retardedly bloated, even the legs of my jeans feel tight. I actually feel like all the progress that I made since the beginning of October is all gone. All of it. My nice 31.5″ waist measurement, the acceptable scale number, my overall better health and wellbeing. All gone. And I don’t really understand why. Obviously stressing about it is just going to make it all even worse, but tell me that you wouldn’t be a little concerned if this was you?
I do notice that since yesterday that my excema has started to clear up, it’s no longer insanely painful. My face is not nearly as puffy as it was yesterday and the day before that. Those are good signs but it’s hard to tell what the situation really is because of dinner out last night. We had 6 girls come to the dinner and it was a really great time, we laughed pretty much the whole time, very good for the soul! My friend and I split a small ham, mushroom, pineapple pizza which was delicious but insanely high in sodium so as I said, it’s hard to tell what the situation really is. I also drank a lot of red wine last night which doesn’t help with the whole hydration issue at all.
Tonight Ray’s mom is taking us out for dinner….Ray wanted fish and chips so I’m frigging screwed. Or am I? I’ll be having grilled fish with a salad instead of greasy, salty fish and chips. Not quite the same thing but better for me at the moment. My lunch today is supposed to be a WW meal (home late, end of week out of groceries) but I am going to forgo it and its insane sodium content for a Luna Bar, a hard boiled egg and some steamed green beans and baby bok choy. Tomorrow my mom and my sister and I are going on an outing and then sushi afterwards. I’ll be packing my own healthy snacks for during the outing and then for lunch I’m going to keep it reasonable and avoid the soy sauce!
Now, on to other things. I was reading a post about how you have to own your goals. That it’s OK if the goal means something only to you and that the rest of the world can’t necessarily relate/understand. It got me to thinking that I need a goal. Something to work towards. I go to the gym, I work like crazy when I’m there and currently my goal has been to become physically fit. My goal has also been to make a schedule and then stick to it as much as possible. Well…….I’ve sort of already achieved “physically fit”, I can do more than I have ever been able to before and I’m sure if I keep going I will keep improving. It’s an ongoing goal I guess…..there’s no tangible way of knowing when I’ve achieved it, really. And the sticking to a schedule thing….I’ve proved to myself and learned through the weeks that I can stick to the schedule and I’ve learned what my mind and body require as far as unscheduled rest days. Goal achieved?
I need something to work towards. A race to train for? Or a ride? A personal best goal? Lately I’ve been feeling like I want to do marathon training again…..only I don’t actually want to do marathon training. It hurts, running is insanely hard on the body and I really am enjoying being able to exercise and for the most part live the rest of my life not in pain and not attached to ice bags. The marathon thing though….it’s about training for and then achieving something big. It’s about a date in the future that all the work is for. Something to drive me on the days I don’t want to go workout. Something to fuel the power when I’m feeling weak.
My goals in the past for why I exercise and eat healthy have always been to lose weight. I guess that’s a good goal to have and I’m going to keep it (especially in light of recent events), but I need something else…..and I don’t know what that would be. I have a 40km bike ride in May, but that’s not that difficult (I did it last year with little to no training) and Ray is doing it with me this year so it’s not like I can go like crazy, it’ll be more of a partnership ride which I’m looking forward to….but it doesn’t fuel any training. Road races for cycling generally require a road bicycle, which I don’t have and am not about to go out and buy. My bike is a hybrid…mountain and street…not racing.
Right now my thought is to give myself a fitness evaluation of some sort. Pick a starting date and evaluate my cardio and my strength and my flexibility and then pick a date a couple of months down the road and do the same tests again to gauge improvement. It doesn’t seem like it would be very ‘marathon-y’ but it’s all I’ve got.
Other than that, I’m really lacking something to work towards. Help……..any SUGGESTIONS?