I know, two posts in one day again. The problem is, that I am bothered. I know that it’s the goal of most bloggers to get comments. For the people behind those anonymous statistics to come out and say hey and tell you what they think; it’s part of the point of writing a public blog.
But….I got a comment this morning that, at face value, seemed very nice and encouraging. But after ruminating on it for most of the rest of today, I have to say, I’m kind of annoyed. Maybe face value is the only way to take a comment from the anonymous internet….but it seemed rather forward and so I have taken it a little personally.
On a post about how my weekend went sour on me from the get go on Saturday morning, a lady commented and reminded me about all the things that I have to feel grateful for even though my best laid plans didn’t work out. And I get that. However in reading the comment again and the repeated references to having money or having my partner who cares about me and does nice things for me, and the odd punctuation surrounding “your” hairdresser, it got to be a bit….derogatory. It sort of seemed like this person figured that I’m a spoiled brat that has all the money in the world and the time to do with it whatever I want and that I am not grateful for my life or what I have.
It was a relatively anonymous comment (in that I don’t know the person in real life) and while it shouldn’t bother me, it really does. I try very hard in my real life (and here on this blog) to always be grateful for what I have. I am not rich, I generally live slightly above paycheque to paycheque. I work g’damn hard for every dollar and I relish every luxury that I am able to purchase with that money. I squeeze the most into my waking hours that I can and I choose to make some things much more important than others.
Yes, I have MY hairdresser. I go to her every 8 weeks or less because she is pricey and I can’t afford to be there once a week. When Ray was graciously driving me to that appointment, I mentioned to him how much I appreciate going to see her and getting the sweet smelling shampoo and head rub and massage chair. And Ray graciously drove me to the hair appointment and was willing to sit in relaxation and wait for me while sipping coffee and reading his book because it’s a nice thing to do and it wasn’t any inconvenience to him at all. Ray bought me flowers and lit a fire for me and built a little picnic nest after work on Friday because he had some things that needed apologizing and making up for. I am not a spoiled brat and I understand just how fortunate I am to have him. I also understand that he and I have challenges within the very foundation of our relationship that we work goddamn fucking hard to smooth over so when we are able to enjoy the company of each other with a glass of wine and a warm fire, I’m going to take it.
Further, I resent the note at the end that says that I should remember I am fortunate to have a body that I can go to spinning class with. I can’t even get started on how very inappropriate that this comment is since it is well documented on this blog that I suffered a huge medical blow a year ago that meant that I could not exercise, I couldn’t walk from my car to the front door without needing a nap. I have worked within my condition to get back to a point where I am able to smash a spinning class 3 times a week. I have suffered and been sick and horribly uncomfortable and gone to work anyway and led my life and did all the things that have to get done every day. Beyond that, I have worked like a g’damn slave in the past 5 years to build my body and my endurance and my fitness to the point I am at now. It has not been a walk in the park, it’s been a huge, ongoing effort. And if I choose to reward myself by attending a spinning class and knocking it out of the park, let me tell you that I know that every second that I am pedalling in that class is a second that I have carved out of nothing into something.
Just because I have some expendable money and a good man and nice things doesn’t mean that I don’t know how fortunate I am. Just because I bitch on my blog about a weekend full of disappointments and annoyances doesn’t mean that I’m not grateful for all the good things in my life. It’s a blog for heaven’s sake, I already put a Love List at the bottom of each post on a daily basis, do I really need to counter every annoyance and piss off with a disclaimer about how grateful I am just to be alive?