Credibility

  • My pants are tight around my middle and by the end of the day they are uncomfortably cutting into my tummy.
  • I have shirts which do not fit like they’re supposed to.
  • I don’t put my jeans in the dryer because they shrink down and then I can’t really get them on/done up.
  • When sitting on the sofa at night in my jammies I will cover myself with a blanket so that my spouse doesn’t see my tummy rolls.
  • When getting dressed I have to run the gauntlet list in my head of what fits and looks right and what doesn’t.
 
I am less than 15 pounds higher than I wish to be….and where I wish to be is well within the acceptable range for my height and body type.  I like 160-165 pounds on me…I have been there and I want to go back there.  I liked it there…all my clothes fit, I was comfortable in my body (any less and I was uncomfortable all the time, sitting in hard chairs hurt my bum and my back, my brain was all tripped out)…and not being there anymore without a very good reason for it….well that’s like having the little word ‘fail’ tattooed right on my forehead.  Small enough so that only I can see it, but there nonetheless.
 
I’ve been reading blogs lately (a great way to get motivation, to stay in the right mindset, to learn new ways etc) and the majority of the blogs which tag “Weight Watchers” or “weight loss” are people who are at the beginning or middle of a long journey.  It’s inspiring to read about regular people changing their lives, making better choices and feeling better.  Does the fact that my journey is shorter and less obvious make it any less credible?  Does that mean that when I go and weigh in every week that I deserve the upturned eyebrow from the chronic weight-watchers in the group?   Is it any less of an accomplishment to be down each week?  Or any less of a piss off if I’ve gained?  Is it any easier for me to turn down a drink or a piece of cake in favour of my goals?
 
Those phrases that I wrote above, do they apply to you?  How much do you have to lose?  They apply to me right now and I don’t have too far to go.  They also applied to me when I was over a hundred pounds overweight.  It doesn’t matter how much you have to lose (within reason and not getting into eating disorders or body perception issues) what matters is how you feel.  Do any of the phrases above seem like the person is comfortable with themselves or where they are?  And if they aren’t, shouldn’t they be trying to fix it? 
 
Everyone has their own struggle, their own battle, their own finish line and their own motivation for doing what they do.  Just because I am smaller than I once was and perhaps I am society’s vision of acceptable, I do not feel comfortable with where I am and that makes my desire to lose some weight and tone and gain fitness just as valid as if I had 100 pounds to lose.  Furthermore….when is it acceptable to go back to a weight loss program?  Do I have to wait until it’s physically obvious to people around me so that I don’t hurt anyone’s feelings or make them feel bad?  Or can I nip it now?  
 
It’s never over.  It. Is. Never. Over.  There is no finish line…there is just unending “try”.  Try to lose, try to get fit, try to keep it off, try to push longer, further, faster.  TRY.  Everyone, no matter their size, if they are trying for something that improves them and their image, physical and self, should be supported by everyone else who is trying.  Even if our ‘try’ looks different or we’re trying for different things.
 
_____
My Love List ~ October 6, 2011
This morning I am grateful for:
spinning class last night which makes me feel fantastic this morning!
a morning chat w/ a coworker
books, lots and lots of books
pretty jewellry
the start of The Regular Season
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