September 9, 2011

Prematurely perhaps, I would like to say that I have found a certain amount of peace that I have been lacking for some long months now.  People who’ve never struggled with weight don’t understand how much anxiety and unease there is that is related to how you are feeling in your body, how you feel you look, how your clothes are fitting.   I’ve never done a study on it but I think, based on my own experiences, it’s right up there with money trouble, work stress and relationship struggles.
I realize that I’ve only been back in a structured program for two days (and barely two at that), but the stress is gone.  It doesn’t matter anymore that my jeans are snug or that my favourite skirt doesn’t fit right.  Doesn’t matter at all because now I’m doing something about it.  Now I’m heading in the right direction with confidence and support and the ability to change what I don’t like is back within my power. 
I had a ‘how serious are you about this, really’ situation last night.  In the recent past, when I would try to do this thing myself and days later when Ray would suggest that we go for ice cream, off I went with him and just chose to forget that I was ‘doing something’ since there was no real structure or guidelines.  As Ray is a growing boy and apparantly doesn’t have to worry about such things, he suggested that we go for ice cream last night.  He wasn’t being mean or unsupportive, it was hot and it’s what we do.  And my going on WW is my decision not his.  So after my favourite date night (my favourite date is to go to Chapter’s and browse books seperately until we bump back into each other and compare what we found) he wanted to go to Cold Stone Creamery across the parking lot.  I agreed and in the store requested a sample (about the size of a nickel) of the PB ice cream and he ordered a large something or other.  I had my teeny little sample spoon worth and then reminded myself that it’s not the last ice cream adventure ever, just that this particular one didn’t fit in with my plan at the moment.  And that was it.  No twisting or guilt feelings or self sabatoge.  Just confidence that I was doing what I am supposed to be doing.
Further, I feel like it’s worth pointing out that it doesn’t matter how far into your weight loss journey that you are…just starting, slogging through the middle or finishing up.  It doesn’t matter because it’s the same struggle no matter where you are.  If you have a weight problem you will likely always have a weight problem.  I’ve done the beginning and I’ve slogged through the middle and I got to the end….and I’ve never felt like I had it conquered.  Some days are less restrictive when you’re mostly done, for sure….but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what size you are, if your clothes are getting too tight or there are extra rolls where there weren’t any before or you don’t like what you see in the mirror, you’re in the same battle as everyone else….it just might not be as obvious.
Let’s power on, sexy strong women!  Let’s kick the bad habits, respect ourselves and our bodies by doing what’s right not necessarily what’s easy and have the personal strength to quietly stand up for what you want both with yourself and with outside influences.
Happy weekend!  It’s going to be gorgeously sunny here this weekend.  I’m having my date with myself tomorrow morning, getting my nails done tonight and otherwise relaxing in the sunshine before it’s gone for months and months.

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