Eye Of The Hurricane!

I predict I have approximately 3 minutes of relative quiet right now to bang this off and then get back to work.  It would seem that I am currently sitting in the eye of the hurricane….relative calm while the storm swirls around me, waiting to close in and suck the life out of me again!

I got a really nice email from someone I’ve never met, wanting to check up on me.  I appreciate that SO much, these days are brutal and long and I’m so mentally exhausted at the end of the day that I’m surprised I haven’t injured myself or burned down the house!

  • Strike status hasn’t changed, they’re still picketing.  Union meeting today, Ray is going to ask/find out if there has been any discussion with the company.
  • Work hours status hasn’t changed, still working about 11 hours every day
  • It’s been 9 days of this so my health (mental, emotional, physical) is starting to show signs of wear
  • Ray and I are fine but my patience with his lack of chores/helping while I’m at work is also starting to show signs of wear
  • Our finances haven’t felt it yet but they will soon and while I’m at work every day, Ray still doesn’t seem to get that he’s not supposed to be spending money! So while I’m cracking my head against the desk for 11 hours, he’s gone out for lunch twice (that I know of)……not cool, buddy, not cool!
  • Next week I’ve slotted myself off this bullshit 5:30am shift and will be coming in later so that I can go to the gym!  We’ll see if my exhausted body actually goes for that!

I think that’s about it!  We had Ray’s birthday last weekend which was lovely and his mom treated us to the pub night (Thanks!) and Ray got to eat birthday cake with every meal for about 5 days!  This weekend we’re supposed to go visit some friends at a campsite where they are staying…………..but I just can’t commit to anything right now and I suspect I’ll end up being the fun—wrecker and cancel so that I/we can stay home and relax a bit.  Whatever…….sitting in a group of 15 people I barely know making small talk isn’t a priority right now. 

This week I committed myself to not eating ANY shit and junk food (it’s plentiful around here right now!) and I definitely feel better than I did last week and I’m sleeping a bit better.  Unfortunately it’s Alien Week starting today so if I felt crappy before, it’s not going to get any better for a few days.

That’s it for me……………..and I’m certain that’s all the whining that anyone needs to hear!  Apologies for not reading or commenting blogs, I could see myself being unemployed down the road so then I’ll have tonnes of time, right?  Haha…..ok, that wasn’t funny at all.

Gotta run, that storm is closing in!

Here’s a video of Grace eating off of a fork! 



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by Shanny on June 12, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Shanny on June 12, 2013

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Strike, Day Three

Here we are, on Day Three of the Strike….and one day before the company goes forward with the Lockout.  Obviosuly, as I’m sure you can guess, things are awesome!  Haha.

I’ve been up at 4am every morning and on the road at 4:45 to get to the “undisclosed shuttle location” to be picked up and dropped at my desk to begin work at 5:40am.  It’s frigging rough and I hate it.

Yesterday I was supposed to work until 5pm (an 11.5 hour day) and I was completely resigned to it.  Then?  At 2:30?  There was an area wide power outage.  No power?  No workie!  I hopped the shuttle, got to my bike and rode myself the hell home.  We packed up a little picnic of ribs and greek salad from the night before, gathered the dog and ourselves into the car and went on a mid-week date.  First stop was a favourite coffee shop where we sat at lovely tables on a little breezy plaza and drank iced coffee (and tea) while chatting and people watching.  Next stop was a park that we’ve ridden our bikes past many times but never stopped in.

We took a 1km uphill hike to a beautiful water fall and then walked back and had our picnic.  Last stop was a shared sundae (shared between the two of us and the dog) and then home and into bed. 

It was refreshing and good for the soul.  The gorgeous bushes and great bush smell and the water fall and the air and sun and sand (at the river’s edge) was amazing and just what we needed!

Today is a new day and it’ll be a busy one.  Ray will go and pick up his daughter’s puppy this afternoon though and bring him back to play with Grace so there’ll be some fun and puppy antics when I get home!

Couple videos from yesterday for you and a picture of the water fall.





Cliff Falls

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by Shanny on June 5, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Shanny on June 5, 2013

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Stress Response

Do you know what your stress response is?  I’m talking about your Huge Events stress response.  Or your Lots Of Big Events All At Once stress response.

I once believed that I was highly capable of dealing with stress, that I was good at compartmentalizing and doing what needed to be done, moving forward, keeping my head screwed on straight.  In fact, there was that one year where Ray was so injured he couldn’t walk, I had just been hospitalized and then diagnosed with a heart condition and I was moving into Ray’s house while Kyle was moving out.  I actually handled that one fairly well.  Went to work every day, came home, cooked, dog walked, gym’ed, took care of Ray while his injury and my illness went on for nearly a year.

Then last year I had the car accident that totaled my vehicle and injured me.  And?  I completely shut down.  While, yes, I was hurt, I was also so emotionally and mentally crushed that I couldn’t leave the house.  For two weeks.  And I stopped eating.  Me, the person who eats All The Time, just stopped.  It got to the point where Ray would have me text him a video of what I was having for lunch so that he could check up on me.  I ended up having to get sleeping pills and anxiety medication just to get through the day.  When it had all blown over, Ray told me that he was surprised that I handled it so poorly.  Honestly, my feelings were hurt because here I was, the person who takes care of absolutely everything, took a unintentioned hiatus from sanity/rationality/life for two weeks and he dissed me for it.    He was right though…………I handled it like crap.

In the time that has come after, I’ve worked on relaxing, deep breathing when upset, logical self chatter and better compartmentalizing.

Yesterday morning my boss told me she’s quitting, the company has walked away from bargaining/mediation with the union and are about to give 72 hours strike notice, the HR manager of the company told my boss too bad for me that I’m going to have to cross my husband’s picket line, I’ll have to “figure out how to deal with it”.  My grampa is ailing, we’re going to be completely broke, I still have a car accident to settle (which I cannot afford to pay for if it does not come out in my favour) and we’re looking at official work stoppage at the end of this week. 

Cue the shortness of breath, lack of appetite, consistent vomit-feeling, chest pressure and blank-brain.  I really need to pull my shit together; Ray and I are our own little island as far as this goes and I can’t be expecting him to take care of me because this time?  We’re up the same creek at the same time.  In order to “pull my shit together” I’m trying to immerse myself into my job to pass the time and distract myself…..however all the work that I’m up to my ears in is to ultimately make my hubby’s job (and that of the 80 other employees on strike) obsolete.  I’m feeling incredibly conflicted at the moment.  Nauseated, headache, emotional, stressed, angry, overwhelmed, annoyed.

Last night I was awake from 11pm until about 3:30pm dissecting things.  Things that are unknown or assumed or that I can’t do anything about.  Around 2am I decided that I wanted to go to the gym and I really should have, it would have been more productive than laying in bed stressing myself to vomit status.  The stupid thing is that I had so much anxiety over going outside in the dark, having to talk to the front-desk-gym-guy (who I actually do quite like), what would happen if Ray woke up in the night and I wasn’t there.  All of that was swirling around with everything else and I ended up just laying there for hours.

I realize that there’s probably no rhyme to this post and part of it probably sounds like whining/pissing & moaning….but it is what’s going on and that’s what my blog has always been about; balancing healthy with reality.  Well…reality has stormed the fort, big time right now………I’m just trying not to let go of the “healthy” part!

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by Shanny on May 28, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Shanny on May 28, 2013

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Videos!

Good Morning,

We had a fairly nice weekend, things have levelled off a little bit for now, thankfully.  The weather was a bit hit or miss so we stayed close to home.  One of the things that I did do was go and buy some bedding plants for the front garden.  And…..a bag of ladybugs.  My little rose bush in the front has aphids and I wasn’t super thrilled about spraying it with chemicals every 7 days.  So, while at the garden store I inquired about, and purchased a bag of 250 ladybugs.

I took a video of the garden once it was planted, we also videoed the ladybug distribution as well as Gracie and I playing with a new toy.  I thought the videos might be a nice way for my grampa (and gramma) to “see” us and might be a nice distraction while they’re dealing with some not so pleasant things. 

Plus, like we talked about before, pics and now videos are a neat way to peek into someone’s life!

I hope you enjoy:

LADYBUGS – Part One: 

LADYBUGS – Part Two: 

GARDEN TOUR: 

GRACIE & SHANNON PLAYING: 

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by Shanny on May 27, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Shanny on May 27, 2013

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In For It

10 day strike notice was given at my company yesterday.  Husband and I work at the same place so we’re in a unique and highly stressful situation of limited/reduced finances, the high potential that the company will just close our plant permanently rather than deal with the strike and the political and relationship issue of me having to cross his picket line (I’m not in the union so I’ll still be working).

My Grampa has been in the hospital since last Wednesday with a wicked lung infection in his already deteriorated respiratory system.  He has COPD (emphysema) from decades of being a welder.  While they have mostly cleared the infection, he is now on full time oxygen and dealing with issues of acute aging.  He’s 82 and declared to me last night that he doesn’t feel like his life is worth living anymore. 

I am stressed to the max right now.  I don’t even know what to worry about at any given moment.  Last night I had a good hard cry………well……….I was going to.  I started to.  And then Grace came to the rescue while I was laying on the floor of the hallway sobbing and stood on my back and started licking my face like it was her job.  Ray says that she is a professional in the area of misdirection.  I say that God made tears salty so that your dog will lick them while you cry.  It’s strangely comforting.  I also drank some cheap wine and ate a couple chocolates.  That helps too.

I don’t know what next week will be like.  Hell, I don’t even know what tomorrow will be like.  I’m fully in one-day-at-a-time mode right now.  I have gym plans next week.  I think I need a hard sweat to help release some of the stress.  Whether I can actually get myself there or not……..can’t commit right now.

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by Shanny on May 24, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Shanny on May 24, 2013

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Perfectly Wasted Day

Hi!  What’s going on?

I’m sitting here sipping spearmint tea under a fleecy blanket with my dog’s heavy, snoring head in my lap enoying the first day off I’ve had since January.  And technically that day off I had in January wasn’t very relaxing since it was a result of our new puppy getting really sick and passing away.

Anyway!

I took today off in order to make my weekend a four-day stint.  I’d been by myself all week while Ray was away camping with 27 other unwashed men (no thanks to that trip!) and during the time he was gone, I have been a workhorse.  Between deep cleaning our house, being on dog-walk duty every day, hosting a belated Mother’s Day brunch and doing an enormous amount of yard work, I knew I would enjoy a break.  No laundry, no chores, no cooking, no errands.  No.  I woke up at 8 and fed the dog and then she coerced me to get back into bed for awhile.  haha!  We both fell sound asleep (one of us was snoring!) for a couple blissful hours and after I’d laid in bed listening to the rain for long enough, I made coffee and then I took Grace for a long walk in the rain forest.  We got absolutely soaked and I loved it.  Mid day, mild, rainy trail walks are one of my favourite things in the world to do and there was no way I was missing it today!

After arriving home I ran a bubble bath, gave myself a facial and did some deep hair conditioning.  After the bath, a pretty aqua manicure and now I’m sitting watching TV waiting for my favourite husband to come home from work!  It’s been a perfectly wasted day.  Nothing of substance has been accomplished and I feel completely recharged and relaxed as a result.

As mentioned above, I’ve been doing a lot of yardwork.  I hand stripped, loaded, transported and then unloaded 330 pounds of moss, leaves and dead branches from our backyard. Seems like a LOT (and a good reason my back and arms are a bit achy and sore today) but sadly it’s just a drop in the bucket.

Here’s the Youtube link to a video I took of the backyard.  (I can’t post video right to my blog, it’s a $300 upgrade so you’ll have to click the link if you want to see.  CLICK HERE

 

 

 

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by Shanny on May 21, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Shanny on May 21, 2013

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FOUND!

After three cold, dark and scary nights out in the world alone, Jenna was found last night!  I cried when I heard the news.

I realize that she’s a dog and a stranger’s dog at that.  But I just kept thinking that if my girl was lost out in the world, I would appreciate every single person’s effort to get her home.  We love the little buggers So Much that knowing they are cold or tired or hungry or scared just rips the heart apart!

Anyway, Grace and I went out right after work to look for Jenna and spent about three hours combing the neighborhood.  Unfortunately it’s a very affluent neighborhood so you can’t really just wander in and out of people’s back yards to check under their decks for the dog.  The yards are enourmous and filled with shrubs and hedges and masses of greenery.  Perfect for a scared dog to hide.

We called it quits around 8 and about 20 minutes after we left, someone in the neighborhood found Jenna in their backyard and called our volunteer.  Unfortunately right then Jenna bolted and ran into the woods.  The two volunteers chased her into the woods for quite a ways and eventually Jenna looked back, saw them and just stopped and layed down so that they could get her.

The reunion with her mom makes me teary eyed to watch. Unfortunately the video is posted in a closed group so I can’t fetch it out to share it here. 

Jenna, just after she’d been found. Being driven home to her mom!

Jenna, just after she’d been found. Being driven home to her mom!

 

And of course, because nothing ever seems to go smoothly or happen one thing at a time, yesterday Ray called me from the side of the road in the middle of nowhere (from a pay phone…did you know they still had those?!) and told me that the motorhome died and he would have to get it towed back.  Because it’s a motorhome he had to get the semi tow truck as well as a second tow truck as he was pulling our boat with the motorhome.  $750 to tow the motorhome, another $200 to tow the boat, an impound charge for the boat and trailer while they wait for the motorhome to be repaired plus the cost of whatever the repair turns out to be.   Initially he told me that I was going to have to drive 3 hours up to get them and bring them home but very fortunately they changed their minds and decided to wait there with the vehicle while it’s being repaired.  Driving three hours in the dark and then cramming 780 pounds of man (and 80 pounds of Grace since I wasn’t about to leave her home alone) into my little Jetta and driving another three hours back was not my idea of an awesome time!

With a labour dispute looming, we really cannot afford this and so they may be coming home this morning once the motorhome is up and running again.  I’m in a holding pattern to find out…..could be that the repair takes longer or is more involved and then I will have to go and get them.  Hope Not!

Wishing that today is smoother and more stress-free than yesterday!

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by Shanny on May 15, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Shanny on May 15, 2013

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Missing!

I’ve had a lump in my throat since yesterday morning.  Through the organization that helped us get our dog, I found out about a local lady whose boxer-girl got sprayed by a skunk, spooked and she ran away.  She’s been out on her own 3 nights so far.  She was spotted 4 times yesterday and has had people searching for her as much as possible.  Boxers aren’t made to be out in the world alone, they’re designed to hold down your sofa, drool on your pillow and be touching or laying on their favorite human as much as possible.  

When I get home from work tonight I’m going to feed Grace, pack up some food, treats, spare leash and collar and drive out there to help continue the search for someone else’s fur-baby.  I could not imagine if my Gracie was lost in the world, I would want as many people as possible out helping to look for her.  So the fact that the weather is crap and that this community is 45 minutes away and unfamiliar to me….well, it just doesn’t matter, we’re going.

Any local readers, I’ve included Jenna’s picture and contact number below, please forward, tweet, FB and message.   She’s last been spotted in the area of 22nd & Marine Drive in West Van. She seems to have been spotted mostly in the same area.

604 816 2979

604 816 2979

 

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by Shanny on May 14, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Shanny on May 14, 2013

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Irritation

I’m going to whine and complain in this post.  Consider yourself warned.

Normally I get home from work every day at about 4:20, give or take a few minutes.  Yesterday I had to stop at the grocery store on my way home and since I was on my motorcycle it took a little longer to get in, grab some veggies, pack them into the bike and get home.  I got home about 5:10.  Before even changing my clothes I started on getting dinner going and making lunches.  At 6:20, we sat down to eat.  At 6:45 we cleaned up and I left the house to take the dog for her walk.  Arriving home at 7:45, I threw a pan of muffins into the oven (I’d made the batter while making dinner) and went outside to water the gardens.  And then?  It’s bedtime.   So how much “spare time” did I have last night?  I guess I had the 20 minutes of garden watering and on a technicality, the hour that I walked the dog (although this isn’t optional so much as a required chore). 

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET ANYTHING DONE WHEN I HAVE EXACTLY 20 MINUTES EVERY NIGHT TO DO IT?!?!  As I was going to bed in order to be up for 4am gym I praised baby Jesus that we don’t have small (or any) children that also need looking after, play, cuddles etc.  Are you kidding me?!

Yesterday I found the link to a very, VERY long article about women, hormones, carbs and stress.  I’m not kidding, it’s 21 pages printed.  It’s long.  And worth every minute that you spend reading it.   Go, read it!  Print it to read later! 
http://www.stumptuous.com/hormones-homeostasis-and-why-you-probably-need-carbs

It explains so much (and very logically) about how we need time to rest and recover and if you’re living a stressful life (haha, who isn’t?!) that if you want to add another stressor like nutritional deprivation when slashing carbs or calories for weight loss or intense workouts, that you have to either remove another stressor or actively chase rest and recovery. 

My question is, if I am supposed to either remove stress (major labour dispute leading into financial worries…can’t really “remove” that) or actively chase rest and recovery, how am I supposed to do that with 20 minutes a night?! 

I suppose the flip side of this whole whiney, bitching post is that I am very fortunate to have been able to fill my life and time with things that mean something to me.  I spend at least an hour making dinner and lunches every night because the quality and kind of food that we eat is highly valuable to me.  I go to bed at 8:30 every night because going to the gym in the morning is important to me.  I spend an hour walking my dog each evening because I love her and chose to get her and care for her.  Does it bother me that I don’t have more free time?  HIGHLY.  I don’t know what to do about that though because none of the things that currently fill my time are things that I would be willing to do without.  SUGGESTIONS?

I was/am looking forward to next week when all I have to take care of is myself and Grace because Ray will be out of town for 7 days. (And completely out of communication as well which makes me slightly anxious….but I’m trying to ride the “excited that I get a bunch of time to myself” train instead of hopping off that one and getting onto the “paralyzed with anxiety and fear” train.  No one likes that train, it never goes anywhere good!)  Anyway, I had this great feeling like I would be able to get so much done while he’s gone because I don’t have to worry about making anything for dinner besides eggs or a smoothie, 15 minutes, tops!  What I actually see happening is being so exhausted from my regular life that I’m going to spend all the time that he’s gone reading my book and going to bed at 8pm.  LOL!

There was really no point to this post, to be quite honest.  I’m irritated that the rest of my garden isn’t weeded yet, I have plants that HAVE to be transplanted and potted or they’re going to die, seeds have to go in soon or they’ll be too late to harvest this year.  And I have no extra time or energy to do it in.   I’m irritated that our house is a mess and that traffic is the shits lately and that Ray is sick.  I’m overall just really irritated.  And I have no time during the week to sip a glass of wine and put my feet up.  Yep.  Irritated.

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by Shanny on May 9, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Shanny on May 9, 2013

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Sun Baked

I spent the entire blissfully sunny weekend outside.  Every second of it.  I went inside to pee and to sleep, that’s about it. 

Saturday morning I walked my muppet for 5k first thing in the morning before it got too hot out.  I, stupidly, wore a hoodie and nearly died of heat exhaustion about half way.  Sweating out the toxins, I guess!  Ray was out at a meeting so when I got home I continued working on my front flower bed.  Here it is, about 2/3 complete.  I weeded and hand turned the entire thing and then hand churned in some compost.  From where I’m standing taking this picture, there’s about another 8 feet of garden behind me that still needs to be done.  Yipes!  And ps., landscaping is brutally hard work! 

 20130505-185529.jpg 

The garden is going to be a combo veggie garden and perennial flower garden, I just have to get over to the nursery and pick up my plants, maybe this week!

Right around 2pm I called it quits, went inside and showered and then made cocktails!  Fresh mango puree into the bottom of a tall glass, a shot of vodka, then perrier, a splash of coconut water for sweetness and some frozen mango cubes instead of ice.  Delicious!

 Cocktail 

While sitting in the warm shade and sipping drinks we decided that it would be nice to have company come and share that with us so we invited Ray’s daughter and husband over for dinner.  I threw together rib eye steaks, a green salad with pine nuts, strawberries and goat cheese and some baked yams and asparagus.  It was so easy and delicious!  They brought their puppy over and the dogs played in the front yard until they were soaked in slobber and sweat.  Good times!

 Yard Party

Saturday night I drank way more than I normally do and today I still don’t feel awesome.  I didn’t get drunk, barely even a buzz but the quantity exceeded my norm so my body is in a bit of a revolt.  Lesson learned….pour one big glass of wine and sip slowly! 

Sunday morning we got up bright and early, covered up the front room windows with cardboard and headed out on our motorcycles.  I wasn’t really looking forward to it, all of last year when riding I had high anxiety and really didn’t enjoy myself at all.  But….happily, I guess I turned a corner because it was like last year never happened.  I’m certainly not as fast in the corners as I was a couple years ago but I had no panic, no anxiety and was able to keep up at the speed limit or just above.  And?  I had a blast!  It feels like I just deleted last year from my memory and am picking back up where I was before my car accident.  So much so that I rode my bike to work today and really enjoyed the ride in!  I’m not going to get too cocky though, I need lots of seat-time so I’ll be riding to and from work as much as I possibly can over the next little while!

Ray is cultivating a cold right now, a week before he leaves to go up north fishing in the bush for a week!  I’m staying as far away from him as I can get.  I’m in my zone right now and I do NOT need a cold to derail me.  Plus, he can sleep with the 80 pound furnace that is our dog, I’m going to sleep in the cool, fresh spare room.  Alone!  (Ray was awake coughing most of the night and must’ve been feeling bad for himself because he invited Grace into bed to cuddle with at 2am…..and then she decided to lay cross-wise between us and I woke up at 4am hanging off the side of the bed!)

Happy very sunny Monday.  Wherever you are, I wish you the extraordinary weather that we’re experiencing right now!

UPDATE:  regarding the car accident saga, on Friday when driving home from work I noticed this “sign” on a lamp post about 50 feet ahead of where the accident happened.  Driving by you cannot even tell that there is text on the page and with nowhere to pull over (it’s a freeway interchange) a person would have to find somewhere to park and then walk back to read the sign.  Who’s going to do that when they don’t even know what the sign says?! Unfortunately the insurance company is being a douche bag and if the “witness” gives a sworn statement then they don’t investigate any further, they just believe what they say….because according to the woman I talked to on the phone this morning, “no one has ever lied in the sworn statement before.”.  FFS.

 IMG_0782

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by Shanny on May 6, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Shanny on May 6, 2013

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